The concept of attracting love may have more explosive connotations and baffling confusion attached to it than any other phrase in the English language. The idea of being attractive to men is the same. It's got power, all right.

We all want to attract love. We might not agree on exactly what the term means, but if someone accused us of doing it, we wouldn't argue with them.

The secret to attracting any man comes down to three simple things:

1. Your physical appearance

If you are attractive it means there's something about you that makes people hunger to be as close to you as possible. They want to have their arm interlocked with yours, feel your skin by touching your hand, and, obviously, in time, they want to kiss you and do all the physical things we are all perfectly aware of. A study of change in physical attraction by Victor Karandashev and Brittany Fata suggests there is something so attractive about you they want to bond with you, literally become one with you.

This is where we have to think very carefully. We like the idea of people finding us so appealing they want to become one with us. What a compliment! But what part of you do they want to become one with — just your body or your body, mind, and soul?

We get nervous and defensive when someone finds just our body appealing — and they don't know the first thing about our mind and soul. In the larger scheme of things, our bodies are but a small part of the totality of us. Our minds are thousands of times more complex and unique, and what we call our souls are the deepest parts of us, the parts that are so central to our being that their value to us is beyond words, beyond measurement.

So, when we talk about being attractive, we're talking about being someone whose whole package appeals to the kind of person who will relate to the entirety of us. While the place to start could be with our physical appearance, it's only a small part of the total process, as supported by research.

There's not a thing in the world wrong with watching your weight, toning your body, choosing the right haircut, wearing stylish clothes, and following every last rule of physical hygiene. You will make yourself far more appealing physically, and you will already be 10 percent of the way to an appealing nature that will draw the kind of person you are dreaming of. 

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2. Your mind 

Then the fun begins! The next element of being attractive is about getting your mind in shape for conversation, as explored by a study in Communication Quarterly

Just as the health of your body is a consequence of what you feed it, how often you exercise it, the amount of rest you grant it, and how you protect it against disease, the same is true of your mind.

If you want to have a healthy mind, feed it good stuff: stimulating reading material, uplifting and inspirational music, challenging conversation about major topics, and time to reflect.

Exercise your brain. Take on some fascinating new reading material about subjects that, at first glance, seem too much for you. Join some new groups that tax you to your edges. Keep trying new things. As your mind grows bigger and stronger, your attraction will amplify.

3. Your soul

Then we get to the real secret of attraction! You may think I'm exaggerating, but a study in the Journal of Personal Relationships suggests a majority of lasting appeal is all about your soul. 

There are just three things I hope you will do to get your soul healthy. First, get to know it, go down inside yourself, clear to the center of you, and become a close friend of your soul. This usually requires time alone, time for reflection, meditation, and prayer. 

Second, get yourself powerfully loved at the deepest of levels — loved durably, loved unconditionally. And finally, go about the task of becoming unswervingly authentic. Let your soul be at the center of your life rather than trapped in a dark basement of your being.

I'll bet you're wondering how I turned this article about attraction into a discussion of body, mind, and soul. I've watched thousands of people fall for the old idea that being attractive is all about your body. I've watched them get physically attractive — and neglect their minds and souls. I've watched them snag a lot of fish from the sea, and I've watched these relationships deteriorate as soon as they got beyond the first 10 percent layer.

But I've watched some otherwise people build their appeal around the beauty of their bodies, the magnificence of their minds, and the delicacy and vibrancy of their souls, and I've noticed their relationships flourish increasingly over time.

Deanna Frazier is an executive coach, seminar leader, author, dating and relationship coach, and media personality.