It can be easy to take your spouse for granted, especially if you've been married for a long time. The initial excitement of being together tends to be replaced by routines and the daily demands of running a household. Passion and sweeping romantic gestures often give way to meal planning, carpooling, and arguing over who takes out the trash.
It might not be the first thing on your mind to show your wife that she's your #1 priority, but there are little ways to remind her just how much you care. Even if you're busy with work or taking care of the kids, it's important to carve out time to be together, to keep the spark alive.
Here are 9 sweet ways to show your wife that she's your #1 priority
1. Check in with her during the day
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A sweet way to show your wife that she's your #1 priority is checking in with her throughout the day. Send her a quick text asking how her day is going, or leave her a voicemail telling her how much you love her. These small, random acts of affection go a long way in letting her know that she's your top priority.
According to a study in Psychology of Popular Media Culture, constant use of technology can harm a relationship, even when that harm is unintentional. The disruptions caused by technology are so common, psychologists invented a specific term, "technoference," which can be defined as "everyday intrusions or interruptions in couple interactions or time spent together that occur due to technology."
Of the women who participated in the study, 25% said that face-to-face conversations with their husbands were interrupted by texting. Women who reported a high level of technoference also reported lower relationship satisfaction and lower life satisfaction, as well as more conflict of the use of technology.
"Many of these interruptions are likely unintentional or unconsciously done, but can still send a message that the technology device is more important in that moment than one's romantic partner," researcher Brandon McDaniel said.
While it's important to focus on your wife and not your phone when you're together, sending thoughtful texts when you're apart is a sweet way to show your wife she's your top priority.
2. Listen with undivided attention
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This might seem obvious, yet it's often easier said than actually done. As psychologist Nick Wignall revealed, "Truly great listeners don't necessarily do more of anything than the rest of us. Instead, they're exceptionally good at eliminating unhelpful tendencies and habits that get in the way of genuine listening and connection."
Listening requires validating the other person's feelings while being aware of their own emotions. "Your job as a good listener is not to pass judgment on how rational someone's fears or frustrations or any other feelings are... Your job is to help the person struggling to know that whatever they're feeling is valid, no matter how painful or how irrational," Wignall explained.
He shared that truly good listeners check their egos and don't treat conversations like competitions. Instead, they focus on the person, not the problem. "By resisting the urge to give advice and solve problems, you give the other person a far more valuable gift — the gift of validation. You help them to see that they are more than the sum of their problems," he concluded.
3. Be vulnerable
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Just like listening to your wife, opening up to your wife is often easier said than done. But being vulnerable is the most important part of keeping your relationship strong, as licensed clinical social worker Terry Gaspard revealed.
"For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel that they are needed and appreciated for the support they give," she explained. "Opening up to our partner can make us feel vulnerable and exposed, but vulnerability in a relationship is the most important ingredient of having a trusting, intimate companion."
Gaspard noted that being afraid to be vulnerable often stems from the idea that showing vulnerability is a weakness, yet being held hostage to that belief prevents you from being fully present in your relationship. "Being vulnerable allows us to open our hearts — to give and receive love fully," she concluded.
You can practice being vulnerable by taking measured steps toward opening up. You don't have to do everything all at once. You can start by sharing one small part of yourself that you're scared to let your wife see, and pay attention to how that brave act makes you feel.
4. Encourage her interests, even if you don't share them
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While spending quality time together is essential to keeping a relationship thriving, it's equally important for each half of a couple to cultivate their independence and focus on their own hobbies and activities. Encouraging your wife to pursue her interests, even if you don't share them, is a sweet way to show her that she's your priority.
The idea of doing hot yoga might make you sweat before you even step foot in the studio, but if it's something your wife loves, you should urge her to do it. Tell her you'll watch the kids and pick up groceries while she's in class. Go a step further and get dinner on the table, so she really knows how much she means to you.
It can be easy for a couple to lose themselves in each other. Spending time apart really does make the heart grow fonder, which is why encouraging your wife to keep up with her hobbies shows her that she's your top priority.
5. Leave her love notes
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Leaving love notes is a sweet surprise that's pretty easy to pull off, without much extra planning. In fact, according to 2020 research, communicating positive feelings to the people you love have immense health benefits, including lowering cholesterol and blood pressure, and boosting the immune system. Lead researcher, Kory Floyd, noted that expressing affection can be done by saying, "I love you," giving a hug, doing a favor, or even writing a letter.
Write out a list of reasons why you love your wife and slip the note into her bag before she leaves for work. Tape a love note to the bathroom mirror so she finds it when she gets out of the shower. Stick a Post-It onto the coffee maker so that the first thing she sees in the morning is proof of your love.
Writing little notes will inspire you to keep thinking about why you love her, which can help you feel connected to the relationship, even on "normal" days when nothing exciting is happening.
6. Create shared rituals
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Sure, paying attention to anniversaries and birthdays and holidays are important, but it's also important to let your love shine through apart from those extra-special dates. Creating rituals is a great way to make your time together feel like a celebration.
They don't have to be anything grand or sweeping, either. Your ritual can be as simple as drinking coffee together in the morning before your kids wake up, or going for a walk, just the two of you, after dinner. You can play her favorite songs while doing chores or any other little thing that shows that you know what makes her feel happy and loved.
7. Consider her needs when planning for the future
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One thing that inevitably creates a sense of emotional distance between couples is when one person doesn't consider the other person when making plans for the future.
While it's important for each half of a couple to have their own goals for the future, it's crucial to maintain open communication about what their goals are, and how the other person fits into their plans. If one person shuts down whenever the conversation switches to future plans, that emotional cold-shoulder can make their partner feel like their needs aren't being met, which is how insecurity creeps into even the most stable partnership.
Marriage and family therapist Blair Nastasi shared various ways people can meet their own needs when their partner is unavailable to do so. She noted that practicing mindfulness and cultivating self-compassion can "create a supportive inner environment that can help you navigate difficult emotions and build resilience."
"Relationships are dynamic and can change over time. Give yourself and your partner time to adapt and grow," Nastasi explained. "It's OK to need reassurance, closeness, and validation from our partners. It doesn't make us clingy, needy, or high-maintenance, it just makes us human."
8. Be patient during conflict
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Even the most solid relationships encounter conflict, and it's not always such a bad thing. Licensed clinical social worker Joan E. Childs revealed that "conflict is productive in healthy relationships."
"There is no intimacy without conflict," she continued. "Unless, of course, you agree never to disagree. Then you have a codependent relationship. In healthy relationships, neither partner subjugates their feelings to please the other."
Childs shared the most effective way for couples to approach conflict: through the act of "presencing." As she explained, "'Presencing' is the willingness to be in the here and now, focused, attuned, and mindful of your partner with an open heart and mind. It includes active listening and patience."
Being honest with your emotions and not judging what both you and your partner feel helps to keep you centered on the current moment, instead of digging up past mistakes and assigning blame, which only creates more heartache. "Staying present and battling it out using effective, fair fighting tools will be your best ticket to intimacy," Childs concluded.
9. Openly express your appreciation
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A sweet way to show you wife that she's your #1 priority is to openly express how much you appreciate her. Most people have such fast-paced, busy lives that it's easy to overlook the little things that keep us feeling satisfied and nourished in our relationships.
Yet just saying a simple "Thank you" can elevate the connection you have with each other. But saying "thank you" not only improves your relationship, but your physical health as well. Research published in Personality and Individual Differences found that people who express gratitude feel healthier than those who do not; they also tend to exercise more often and are more likely to take good care of their health.
Telling your wife outright, "I appreciate everything you do for our family" is the best way to tell her that she's your priority. Thanking her for her efforts means you're paying attention, which is at the core of what she wants. Practicing gratitude and openly expressing your appreciation lets your wife know that you see her and value her, today and all days.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
