What's your marriage like? Can you read each other like a book, reach mutual decisions, and unconditionally support each other? If so, you're doing this marriage thing right because the most successful marriages are those where you are entirely in sync with your partner.
Psychologist and YourTango Expert Dr. Stan Tatkin explains this solid emotional and psychological connection as the "couple bubble," which "is the idea that two people are connecting from the outside world. It's us against them — me and you against the world."
It's kind of like the honeymoon phase—the early stages of a relationship filled with intense emotions, infatuation, and an idealized view of your partner—except the "couple bubble" is a long-lasting, healthy way to maintain a supportive marriage that can stand the test of time.
These are two signs you're in a "couple bubble," and it's saving your marriage:
1. You put each other first
On your wedding day, you made the lifelong commitment to love and expertly care for your partner deeply. While you have other family members and close friends, your spouse's well-being comes first.
Couples research has found that relationships are stronger when partners commit more often to the relationship than to their own immediate needs. Research conducted by The Gottman Institute in partnership with Robert Levenson at the University of Washington found that prioritizing and paying attention to “bids” — attempts a person makes to connect with their partner — can be the key to maintaining a happy and lasting relationship.
So when you prioritize your partner's needs, your sense of well-being in your relationship stays high, and each of you feels supported.
2. Parenting becomes a lot easier
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When it comes to parenting, you two are an impenetrable force. You both agree on the decisions you make for your kids and stick to them (no matter how much your kids try to nudge you in different directions), which makes them equally respect both of you.
A University of Missouri study found that children feel closer and more positive towards mothers who respect their autonomy. According to Jean Ispa, co-chair of the MU Department of Human Development and Family Studies and a professor in the College of Human Environmental Sciences, “Respect for autonomy is important, not only for children’s growth but also for creating positive parent-child relationships.
We found that mothers who supported their children’s autonomy were regarded more positively by their children than mothers who were highly directive.” Other studies published similar results for dads — less overprotective fathers who allow children to be autonomous have toddlers with lower internalizing behavior.
Because of this, your kids have equal respect for both of you, which makes parenting (and your marriage) much more straightforward. Watch the video below for more information on couple bubbles, and why they're so beneficial to a marriage:
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and developer of A Psychological Approach To Couples Therapy (PACT). He specializes in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships.
