We spend our whole lives forming connections and emotional attachments with the people around us. Whether it's by talking to a stranger we normally pass on the street or falling in love with our soulmate, the strong bonds that we make throughout our lifetime shape who we are.
Being able to connect with someone on an emotional (and physical) level is such a beautiful thing! But if we think about it, it almost seems like the reason why we are drawn to other people is that it's ingrained in our DNA. After all, we all know that emotional attachment goes hand in hand with commitment.
So when author Dr. Sue Johnson, YourTango Experts Senior VP Melanie Gorman, and EFT trainers Elana Katz, Zoya Simakhodskaya, and George Faller talk about the effect that being emotionally attached has on our relationships (both romantic and platonic), we had to tune in.
Here are the scientific reasons you get so emotionally attached to someone you just started seeing:
1. We each have a preferred attachment style we gravitate toward
According to studies in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, your emotional attachment style has a major effect on your relationship. This means that the way you attach to people can determine a lot about the health and overall happiness of your partnership in the long term!.
2. From childhood, we create emotional attachments to the people around us
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This can be anyone from your mother and father to your best friends and even to your teachers at school. A study on attachment and intersubjectivity in the Psychoanalytic Psychology Journal helps demonstrate how these attachments are imperative for children to start developing proper emotional needs and wants.
As you grow older, these attachments change and shift. And when things become romantic, it can sometimes be staggeringly different than if it’s just platonic emotional bonds that we’ve created.
3. What your style of attachment reveals about you
Dr. Sue Johnson mentions that the level of attachment we have to others is in sync with our emotions, as supported by research in the Personal Relationships Journal. For instance, we all have that one person we trust to make us feel safe when we're feeling scared. This person is your rock. Their words of wisdom and affection are extremely important to your emotional well-being. These people can be parents, siblings, best friends, or spouses.
Typically, people have one relationship in their lives that seems to supersede the others. This is why it can be so difficult for some people to maintain a high emotional bond with their friends once they’ve started seeing someone romantically. It takes time to get used to the strength of your romantic attachment and be able to balance it against your platonic ones.
These experts have given us their best knowledge on how and why these bonds form, as well as what it means for your relationship. Their advice on why we get so attached to different people in our lives and how it affects us helps put everything into perspective.
The YourTango Experts team includes licensed therapists, dating and life coaches, matchmakers, and more professionals committed to offering you the tools and guidance for a happier and more rewarding life.
