You’re falling for him, but there’s a voice inside that questions how he feels about you. Is he bonded or attached to you? Is he the kind of guy who can bond with you at all?
Just because you feel a connection doesn’t mean he’s on the same page. Emotional attachment is not necessarily created by physical intimacy. Feeling emotionally safe allows people to open up and be vulnerable with one another. It is the start of establishing a feeling of trust. Without the feelings of emotional attachment, your relationship will never flourish and you'll never be able to win a man's heart.
If you can master these eight skills, you'll win any man's heart:
1. You don't treat him like a project
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No guy wants to feel like he is your project. He wants to know that you like him for who he is, not for the potential of who he could be. When a guy feels like he can relax around you and just be himself, then he can get emotionally attached.
When a guy is walking on eggshells, on the other hand, or he feels like you’re trying to mold him into someone he isn’t, he won’t be able to relax around you and be vulnerable. Allow your man the space to be himself and he’ll loosen up and be more open with you.
Research published by the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that it's crucial for a man to feel like he doesn't need to drastically change for his partner because it promotes authenticity, fosters self-esteem, and contributes to a healthier relationship dynamic by allowing individuals to be their authentic selves, which is vital for long-term connection and satisfaction. Forcing significant change can lead to feelings of invalidation, resentment, and a loss of identity within the relationship.
2. You create space for his feelings
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It may seem more alluring to leave some mystery between the two of you but don’t be so opaque that he doesn’t know how you feel about him. He wants to know that the water is warm and that it is safe to approach you.
Emotional intimacy can only develop when the two of you are authentic with each other and feel comfortable sharing your emotional life. If you are a mystery, he won’t be able to connect with you or develop a stronger emotional bond.
Share your feelings with him, both positive emotions and negative ones. Create a space where he knows it is safe to share his feelings with you. Authenticity and vulnerability foster emotional connection and bonding.
Early research published in Professional Psychology Research and Practice indicates that men must understand how others think because it fosters healthier relationships, improves emotional well-being, enhances communication, reduces stress, and can contribute to better mental health by allowing for more effective support systems and conflict resolution.
This is particularly true when considering the societal pressure on men to suppress emotions, which can lead to negative consequences if not appropriately addressed. Studies show men experience emotions as intensely as women but may express them differently due to social norms.
3. You don't hide how he makes you feel
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If you’ve been holding your cards close to your chest and he is unsure if you’re falling for him, or you have everything so together he doesn’t feel like he can contribute to making your life better in some way, he might move on to someone else that is easier to read.
When a man knows how to win your heart, he can take actions that he knows will please you. It’s inherent in a guy who is attracted to you to want to be your hero and to enrich your life in any way that he can.
A guy who isn’t looking to figure out how to make you happier is a guy who is not interested in a long-term relationship with you. He’s in it for the short-term and is more interested in something easy and convenient.
4. You don't deprive him of his need to provide what you need
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There’s truth to the cliché that men want to be able to fix things for you. Whether it is an issue you’re having at work, or you need a new shelf put in your home, he wants to be the guy who can provide what you need.
Not letting a man help you because you’re an independent woman is depriving him of this need. This doesn’t mean that you should act like a helpless damsel in distress, or that you fake it and pretend you don’t know what you’re doing. This would be inauthentic.
Instead, let your man do things for you. His self-esteem in the relationship comes from his ability to provide for you. Traditionally men have provided financial support, but many men can provide emotional support, help around the home, or even facilitate a safe space for you to feel seen and heard.
Understanding how to provide for a partner's needs is crucial for men, as it fosters healthy relationships, promotes emotional intimacy, and can positively impact mental health by addressing the often-unacknowledged need for connection and validation, while also challenging traditional masculine stereotypes that discourage vulnerability and emotional expression. Recent research published by Frontiers in Psychology finds this particularly important considering the potential adverse effects of rigid gender roles on men's well-being, including increased stress and isolation.
5. You don't judge or criticize how he tries to help
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No man wants to be micromanaged by the woman he loves. A man wants the freedom to do things his way.
If he feels judged or criticized when he is trying to help, he’ll shut down and stop trying to help. Let him know what you need and give him leeway with how he fulfills your requests.
If he’s helping you in the kitchen to prepare a meal, thanking him for cutting up the vegetables is going to be more effective than criticizing him because he didn’t cut them exactly the way you would have.
6. You allow him to make mistakes
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Everyone makes mistakes and no one wants to be held to an impossibly high standard. A guy can become emotionally attached to you when he knows he won’t be rejected when he makes a mistake.
Give him the space to make a mistake and reserve your judgment until he has an opportunity to make things right. If he wants the freedom to screw things up without any consequences, beware! But a guy who wants to make it up to you when he messes up will be worth his weight in gold.
Remember, his efforts count. As long as he is making an effort towards correcting his mistakes you can reserve your judgment. Don’t hold him to an impossible standard.
Findings from a 2010 study indicate that men must understand that it's safe not always to get it right because it allows them to be more vulnerable, fosters healthier relationships, promotes emotional intelligence, and challenges harmful societal expectations of perfect masculinity, which can significantly impact mental health by reducing stress and anxiety related to constantly striving for flawlessness.
7. You acknowledge his strengths and values
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The fuel a man runs on in a relationship is acknowledgment and appreciation. If you’re looking to create a healthy emotional connection with the man you’re dating, then acknowledge and appreciate his efforts with you.
Let him know how much you appreciate him when he is your ally, or he takes time to listen closely to what you’re saying, or he sends you flowers, or takes out the garbage, or opens your door, or your water bottle, etc.
When a man feels appreciated, he will put effort into doing more things for you. Instead of criticizing him for his lack of actions or mistakes, focus on his strengths and appreciate the positive things he brings into your life.
2018 research indicates that acknowledging a man's strengths and values is crucial for his self-esteem and overall well-being, as it combats the adverse effects of traditional gender role expectations that often pressure men to suppress vulnerability and prioritize a narrow definition of "masculinity." This can lead to feelings of inadequacy if their contributions aren't recognized, impacting their mental health and relationships.
8. You inspire him to be his best self
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If you want to create a strong emotional attachment with your guy, inspire him to become his best self. This isn’t about judging who he is or trying to fix him. Instead, let him know how you would feel when he steps up for you.
Most men are good, and they want to contribute to the world and to their relationships in a positive way. You can inspire him to embrace his best nature by sharing your goals with him and your view of a better world.
A man who feels good about himself when he spends time with you will want to be with you all the time. He will make his best effort to never disappoint you or let you down and if he falls short, he will make it up to you.
When you understand how guys get emotionally attached, you’ll be able to identify a guy who is interested in a long-term relationship with you. You’ll also be able to recognize the signs that a guy is becoming emotionally attached to you. You won’t have to doubt or second guess what his intentions are, or where the relationship is going.
It's essential for men to feel inspired by their partner because it can significantly boost their self-esteem, motivation, and overall well-being within the relationship, encouraging them to be their best selves and fostering a more fulfilling partnership, according to a 2016 study.
There are a lot of misconceptions about how men fall in love and what bonds them to a particular woman instead of another. Certainly, many men have a type of woman they find attractive based on her appearance but falling in love and how guys get emotionally attached has more to do with how they feel when they spend time with that person than anything else.
Physical attraction may be what piqued his interest in the first place, but that’s not enough to create a lasting connection. For a guy to get emotionally attached he needs something more than just lust.
His heart needs to be involved, not just his below-the-waist organs. To figure out how exactly guys get emotionally attached, it's important to understand what exactly healthy emotional attachment is.
Healthy emotional attachment is characterized by the feelings of closeness and affection that are necessary for a relationship to last. Emotional attachment creates a feeling of connection and allows for a deeper level of emotional intimacy to develop between a couple.
Emotional attachment is not the same as romantic love. You can feel it with your friends, members of your family, and even with your pets. However, emotional attachment is what transforms an infatuation into romantic love.
To have a healthy emotional attachment, there needs to be a balance between your attachment to the other person and your desires and well-being. Both being excessively emotionally attached and having zero emotional attachment can be damaging.
The balance comes from finding emotional stability by knowing your own emotional needs and finding ways to have those needs met by making requests. Mastering this communication is the key to having a guy develop an emotional bond with you.
Orna and Matthew Walters are the co-founders of Creating Love On Purpose where their mission is to bust the myth that love is supposed to happen by accident.
This article was originally published at www.creatingloveonpurpose.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.
