It could be possibly the biggest question in the history of dating. As a smart, successful, and independent woman, how do we better understand men? 

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how many classes we take or how many issues of Cosmo we read; it's like they’re from another planet altogether! (They did say they were from Mars, right?) 

But here’s the truth: It is much simpler than you think. If you’re dating, want to start dating, are in a relationship, or are just getting out of one, and you want to know how to understand men, we come bearing the gift of knowledge and ease.

Here are 3 ways to understand men on a psychological level (because the truth is so much simpler than you think):

1. You cannot pressure a man into commitment.

He’s either in, or he’s not. There’s nothing like pressuring a man into something he’s not ready for. This type of pressure can cause a man to run in the opposite direction. 

Most serious relationships start to become exclusive within the first few months of dating, and if you feel like you need to bring up where you are, the likelihood is that he might be in a different place. On the off-chance that your guy isn’t sure what he wants or doesn’t know that you’re supposed to talk about it, it’s okay to have “the talk.” One YouGov poll found that the average time to make a relationship official is around three months.

Know that nothing you say or do during that conversation will bring him closer to knowing that you two should be together. Hopefully, he already knows that. And if he doesn’t, you’ll move on to someone who deserves to be with you.

Men mean what they say and say what they mean, ladies. Rarely when you ask a girlfriend the infamous question “What does it mean when he….” is the answer something mystical. It means exactly what you think it means.

2. They want to be taken care of.

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“Taking care” of your guy can include many things. It can be something like reminding him about his dentist appointment or surprising him with a home-cooked dinner when he gets off work. One study found that couples who share food even have better intimacy.

It can also mean taking care of his ego. Your man wants you to appreciate that he hung up the curtains without asking him ten times, so it's important to show him that you’re appreciative. In understanding men, realize that they truly are sensitive beings. 

Often, women assume their men don’t need to hear that they’ll be missed when you’re off on an exotic business trip to far-away lands, that his pecs do look awesome after that 30-minute trip to the gym, or that you do think he’s amazing even though his boss doesn’t get it. Men aren’t wired like women, of course, but they do have feelings. Ensuring you understand this about men can catapult you to the top of his list of things he can’t live without.

3. Respect is everything.

Do you feel like you are taking complete control over a relationship? Guess what, ladies? This is not a turn-on. While men love a woman who is strong and assertive, she needs to know when to take the lead and when to follow.

Taking complete control in bed, for example, is a turn-on. So if you feel like doing the latter, be our guest. Guys love it when their girl takes the reigns in the bedroom. 

However, don’t let your “control freak” need-to-know-right-now nature leak into your relationship. Trying to be in charge of everything and belittling things your guy does will send him away faster than you can say, “I think that shirt looks silly.”

It’s important to remember that when it comes to understanding men, you must get to the core of what they want from a woman. Respect is an absolute must for men. Research from 2002 indicates that respect is a huge component of having a happy relationship.

Compliment his achievements (genuinely) and motivate him to be the best man he can be. 

Marni Battista is a Los Angeles-based certified life coach, the founder of Dating with Dignity and The Institute for Living Courageously, and the author of dating advice for women.