It sounds like a contradiction, but there is no better way to waste months than by going exclusive with someone before you know who they are. Then you start all over again with someone new when one relationship fizzles out because you were way more into them than they were into you.

You deserve to be with someone as passionate about you as you are about them. Don’t invest your heart in a person who hasn’t made their intentions known.

Here are four skills of women who always seem to find their soulmate:

1. They reprogram their subconscious for love

Your GPS for love was formed in your family of origin. Research published in Psychophysiology Today shows how this subconscious program is made up of your limiting beliefs, mental and emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies for giving and receiving love.

This system is driving your behavior as an adult. It is why you find certain types of people more attractive than others. Because your internal coordinates are off, you’ll keep missing your destination until you start to change the pattern, as suggested by a research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Your limiting beliefs about love are not factual. The truth is you are deserving of love. Love is your birthright. It is part of being human to share your life with someone.

Take the time to identify your limiting beliefs, patterns, and behaviors. Do the work to break your pattern. You don’t have to fix everything.

You’ll never be a completed project. Start the journey, and your relationships will begin to improve right away.

2. They practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is probably the single most important tool for creating and maintaining lasting love. Without it, you will get stuck in an endless lather-rinse-repeat cycle with the power struggle and romance stages of a relationship. Holding onto anger and resentment will poison a relationship over time.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the people who have wronged you. Forgiveness is for you, so you are free from those past events.

• Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. Let go of the need to be perfect. Release your judgments about yourself and others.
• Forgive your exes for their limitations and hurtful actions. This doesn’t mean you have to let them back into your life, but it does allow you to move on.

Research from Louisiana State University supports how finding the lessons from your past experiences, will help you be sure not to repeat them.

3. They're committed to authenticity

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This is the one part of the soulmate theory that is great advice. The only way to be loved for who you are is by showing up as your authentic self, as supported by research in The Journal of Personality and Individual Differences.

Your soulmate is not a mind reader. Attraction and deep love do not come with mind-reading powers. If you want your soulmate to know what you like and dislike, you’ll have to speak up.

If this feels scary for you, it may be time for you to invest in some personal coaching to build your self-esteem and confidence.

4. They are more mindful and choosy while dating

Use dating to get clear on what you want, as well as identify areas where you can grow.

Date slowly and with an open mind. Don’t jump into a commitment with the first person who looks like a good match.

The person who likes you will be patient with you. Date several people at once before going exclusive. Use your dates as opportunities to practice being more authentic and asking for what you want.

This approach to dating will shorten your journey to your soulmate by taking things slowly. Get out into the world and meet people. Become curious and date. This is how you will meet your soulmate.

Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches, the founders of Creating Love On Purpose, which takes a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks into love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.