Social standards try to dictate there is only a tiny window for a woman to marry that's considered the "right time." So, younger women in their 20s feel pressured by parents and friends to focus on education and careers first. The idea is to establish yourself in the world before getting married and being "distracted" by love.
On the other hand, a woman of 35 suddenly wakes up to hear her biological clock ticking and feels pressure to find a spouse (and fast!). As her eggs age minute-by-minute, friends and family mention the shrinking potential for achieving marital bliss at her "advanced age." Simply put, boomers viewed marriage very differently than millennials and younger generations do — and the differences can be stark.
Here are three things Baby Boomers were taught about marriage that would make millennials roll their eyes:
1. "You should settle for Mr. Good Enough"
If the consensus is that a woman should stay single in her 20s yet marry and have children by her mid-30s, that is a small five-year time frame. As a dating coach for women, I consider this "social wisdom" a sorry state and the wrong way to approach finding the right romantic partner. The average age for an American woman to get married at 285 years old, statistics tell us.
To adhere to these social standards, women in their 20s often toss away suitable matches because they are not ready to settle down. Then, as they approach their 30s, the stress of finding a partner in a hurry gives rise to complaints about a lack of "good men." This lament grows ever louder as women approach 40 and beyond.
Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, admits to having lived through this herself. A few great guys got kicked to the curb with her thinking she could find many great men. She believed she had plenty of time.
2. "Marry early, so you don't miss out on your fertile years"
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But panic set in as she neared 40, and she decided to have a baby on her own rather than miss out on her fertility. I've read Lori's book, and she isn't encouraging women to settle. Instead, she suggests women recognize the qualities of a good partner and consider a wider range of options. She also bares her soul regarding the false assumptions that sadly kept her single.
From discounting men because she had plenty of time to feeling most men weren't good enough, Lori kept herself single for two and a half decades. She finally got serious, hired a dating coach, and fell in love. So, when is the right time for a woman to get married? The answer? When she finds the right person!
3. "You'll know him when you find him"
This innate sense of just "stumbling" upon your soulmate is often a false belief perpetuated by older generations. The best thing you can do when looking for love is honoring a great match when you're lucky enough to find one. What does matter regarding your decision to marry and the timing? Here's a checklist to reflect on.
- Do you love each other?
- Do you respect each other?
- Do you have fun together?
- Do they treat you well?
- Do you have similar values?
- Do you want the same things out of life?
- Are you compatible together?
These questions are a great start for determining if you have found the romantic partner you want to spend your life with. As a single woman, you have other considerations as well. Research confirms it's important to find a partner who's like you when it comes to the non-negotiables.
So, don't toss a good person aside simply because of timing. When you find the right one who makes your heart melt, treats you well, and is there for you, go for it.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.
