Maintaining a marriage requires intention from both spouses to avoid stagnation, exhaustion, distancing, and separation, either emotionally or physically. Long before the doldrum of married life settles in, there are some specific actions a wife can take to make for a happy husband.
"The good times will settle down, that dopamine will stop washing over you, and then, real life sets in. What's the solution? Many couples end up choosing divorce because the marriage is not working out the way they hoped it would. Yet, facing challenges together and solving your interpersonal issues is part of married life," explains certified therapist Kimberly Anderson.
Wives who master these skills often have the happiest husbands:
1. She acknowledges his efforts
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Licensed clinical social worker Richard Drobnick knows the power of acknowledgments: "One powerful habit wives can master is the art of acknowledgment by genuinely recognizing and appreciating their husband’s efforts. Men thrive on feeling competent and valued. Acknowledgment meets this core need and strengthens their emotional connection. Don't assume he knows he's appreciated."
Drobnick suggests to "express gratitude out loud, “Thank you for fixing the sink, I rely on you.” This reinforces his sense of purpose. Specific, sincere praise delivered with warmth creates a positive cycle. He feels valued and becomes more motivated to show up as his best self."
"This habit doesn’t require over-praising but consistent, heartfelt recognition. When practiced regularly, it nurtures the husband’s happiness and the entire relationship to foster mutual respect and deeper love," he concludes.
2. She connects with his love language
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Divorce attorney Jennifer S. Hargrave has seen most of the reasons marriages fail, so she recommends "making time to connect with your husband according to his love language, whether that's physical intimacy and affection, gifts, spending quality time together, complimenting him, or doing something special just for him.
A study in the Psi Chi Journal of Psychological Research suggests that when you take time to learn his Love Language and master the art of showing up for him in that way, he will feel loved."
3. She encourage his aspirations and interests
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Siddharth S. Kumaar knows from a wealth of experience as a life and relationship coach that "embracing and encouraging growth by supporting his hobbies, individual goals, career aspirations, and activities can be a wonderful way to support your husband and make him the happiest of husbands."
4. She makes him feel seen
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Board-certified therapist Gloria Brame's experiences helping people find their bliss says, "Wives who learn to anticipate their husbands' needs are usually treasured. It may be as basic as making his morning coffee, or it could be some other small way of supporting and affirming him as special to her.
Brame continues, "Men are grateful for women who pay quiet attention to their needs and habits and make life easier for them. The husband feels seen and appreciated when the wife takes some of the small burdens of life off his shoulders. The saying 'actions speak louder than words' is true. The wife is demonstrating in action that she cares about him."
5. She makes him feel heard
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"I think our stereotypical ideas of what it means to “be a man” sometimes stand in the way of finding an answer to the mystery of men’s happiness in a relationship. That said, the men I have spoken with often express a desire to be 'felt' — to be listened to and heard as women do for their girlfriends," states Dr. Laura Mae Lindo from her experience helping better people's personal and professional lives.
Dr. Lindo explains further, "My best friend barely has to say a word, and I know exactly what she needs, so why can’t we do the same with the men in our lives? Working on solidifying that connection can truly go a long, long way."
6. She lets the little things go
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"Your partner is not perfect, and neither are you. We all will make mistakes throughout any relationship, and it's key to learn how to pick your battles. Be judicious and bring up matters only when it's worth the battle for both your sakes.
2020 research from The American Psychological Association states that learning to let go of past resentments allows for better emotional well-being," according to the personal and professional experience of marriage and family therapist Carin Goldstein MFT.
7. She doesn't forget to play and have fun
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Relationship therapist Reta Faye Walker has had copious experiences with couples and shares, "In a survey of 7,600 United Kingdom adults, 66% said that working out together improved their relationship for different reasons. Some couples said they felt healthier, more positive, and found each other more attractive, while others described activity together as quality time that they might have invested with a stranger."
Dr. Walker adds, "Couples who play together produce tons more fun and laughter. And, in the process, build positive memories of their significant other. So, make it a daily habit you and your partner do together. It could even be taking out that old board game from the closet and having a little friendly competition."
When a wife acknowledges the need to have an intentional connection with her husband, happiness is sure to follow. As she encourages him to be himself, he will find it easier to be open and expressive about his needs as well as fulfilling hers. By letting go of some of the frustration or annoyance she may have held, she can find more time to play and have fun, and her husband will naturally be much happier since they both feel more secure in their marriage.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
