Sometimes, men get a bad rap for not noticing things, not paying attention to small details, and even just not listening in general. While I do often disagree with many of these generalizations, there are indeed some things guys don't care about. But they might not be the kinds of things that you would think. Here's a quick rundown.
Here are 8 things guys don't care about that women think they do:
1. We don't care that your hair or makeup isn't perfect
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Trust me, we appreciate the effort you put into looking great, whether it is just for yourself or for a nice event, or your first date with us. But don't be so hard on yourself. If we are spending time with you, we are doing it because we want to, regardless of how you look.
University of Texas Austin researchers found that attractiveness is defined by uniqueness over time, rather than looks or charisma. Their paper, Relational Mate Value: Consensus and Uniqueness in Romantic Evaluations, shows that our perception of attractiveness is not fixed. People we may have initially seen as 'alright' can become far more appealing, and those who are initially 'hot' may find their allure diminishing. This suggests that we have more control over our attractiveness than we might think.
2. We don't care about those few extra pounds that you want to lose
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We all have insecurities — men included. Unless we look like Marky Mark's Calvin Klein underwear ad, we have plenty of things we want to change about our bodies, too. We just don't talk about it as much. Odds are, the small things you are uncomfortable with are never anything a good man would complain about when being intimate with you. We just want to enjoy you.
3. We don't care if you make more money than us
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Or less. Or the same. Or whatever. Men who are secure in themselves pay much more attention to who you are as a person and how you make us feel when we are around you, rather than what you choose to do for a profession.
I would much rather be a woman with a beautiful heart and a beautiful mind than the CEO of a major company that is cold and callous. The happiness that comes along with loving what you do is more important than a paycheck that comes along with something you don't.
Researchers studied the relational dynamics and quality within unions where men dated women who made more money. They specifically investigated relationship quality within heterosexual romantic relationships where the man is not the traditional “breadwinner.”
They recognized that the breadwinner role for men is in line with “institutionalized rules for gendered marital behavior” and supports the power and authority of the husband within the family unit. Conversely, the 2012 study found that men with more nontraditional masculinity were more likely to dismiss income disparity as a relational factor with little or no importance while enjoying high romantic relationship quality.
4. We don't care if you text us first
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Many women don't think they should text a man first because it shows desperation, but this is not true. If he is not texting you and he is interested, he is likely thinking about it constantly but just doesn't want to come across as too strong. He will more than welcome seeing your name pop up on his phone and it will take the pressure off of him moving forward.
5. We don't care what you look like when you wake up
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I have heard of some women who either won't let men stay over until a certain amount of time has passed in the dating process or who will go to bed with makeup on because they don't want him to see how they look when they wake up in the morning. The truth is, we don't care. I don't mean this in an apathetic way, I mean it in an "If we are waking up next to you, we think you are beautiful no matter what" way.
6. We don't care what you order for dinner
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Hopefully, the stigma is not still around that women should eat like rabbits, especially while on a date. If you want a steak, order a steak. Don't change what you eat when you are around us because of some nonexistent reason. Indulge!
7. We don't care if you swear around us
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I have mentioned in other articles how it's not "ladylike" to swear, and it's not "gentlemanly" either. But let's be honest, we are all mature adults here and can handle the language.
Needless to say, when we are in public or around family it's best to keep the reins pulled in a little bit, but no guy is going to complain about a few expletives dropped here and there. It's natural and one of the top things guys don't care about.
A language consultant at King College London tells Metro that, thankfully, gender roles are changing, and men are (or will have to be) coming to terms with the idea that language should indeed have an equal playing field.
He says: ‘Both gender fluidity and the questioning of gender norms have fundamentally changed perceptions of feminine behavior and masculine responses and the effect of social media in empowering women and giving them an equal voice."
8. We don't care if you're not perfect
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Nobody is perfect. Nobody. The word itself is essentially meaningless anyway because, with 7 billion people in the world, no two will have the same image of perfection in their minds.
So, stop worrying that you don't look like the airbrushed model in Victoria's Secret advertisement. Stop worrying that you think your hair is too short to be attractive. Stop worrying about those couple of extra pounds. Stop worrying about your awkward birthmark. Stop worrying that you don't have a stupid thigh gap.
We don't care because when you love someone for who they truly are, everything about them becomes beautiful.
James Michael Sama is a relationship expert who writes about dating and relationships. He speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness, and has been featured in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.
