My job is to help clients uncover patterns of behavior that sabotage their goal of finding love. My specialty is preparing singles over 40 to return to the dating world, date more mindfully, and gain the best results in their dating lives. I have seen recurring behaviors in men who sabotage relationships because the women they are dating find men who act this way unattractive.
Here are 5 subtle behaviors women find most unattractive in men, according to psychology:
1. He believes she is his soul mate from the first contact
We all want to believe in love at first sight. However, dating needs to go slowly and allow your relationship to grow and develop naturally. You’ll only set yourself up for heartache if you believe you have connected with your soul mate after a few successful phone calls or your first few dates.
The emotional component involved in the idea of a soul mate is enticing, but finding a few similarities in your lives is not enough foundation for a relationship. Be mindful that a healthy relationship needs to be cultivated so it can flourish and grow, as outlined in research on the foundations of interpersonal trust.
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2. He does not match her morals, values, or vision of a relationship
If you question the morals, values, and behavior of your date, there is a high probability you are not a match. Evaluate your morals and values to be clear about what you want in a prospective match. I have seen clients so eager to form a relationship they are willing to settle for someone who doesn’t share the same morals and values. Instead, they create a fantasy, ignoring the differences.
Don’t be fooled into believing opposites attract. Research on the effect of personal values on romantic relationship functioning demonstrates how opposites attract is only true for interests and not for morals, values, and the foundation of a relationship.
3. He pushes the relationship forward to gain a commitment
When I first started as a dating coach, I often found my clients engaging in this behavior. After a few of these experiences, I realized why many of them were overly eager to close the deal.
Most of these clients came from long-term monogamous relationships and wanted to get right back into their comfort zone. Dating around (not to be confused with sleeping around) is uncomfortable for many, but it’s a means to an end.
If you focus on closing the deal, you might be distracted and miss possible red flags. Worse yet, you may scare your potential match away. Take things slowly and allow your relationship to develop naturally without being forced.
4. He wants all her personal information right away
I am not talking about name, address, and home phone number. However, for safety reasons, you should wait before revealing all your contact information as well. I'm talking about all your personal, private relationship information, family history, or medical information, otherwise known as TMI.
Many singles feel if this information is uncovered in the future, they will appear disingenuous or secretive. Once again, relationships need time to grow and flourish. You don’t want to scare your potential match off with information they might not be prepared to handle upon a first, second, or third meeting.
Once a relationship is established, and they know you better, you can introduce more private, personal information. Personal information is better shared once you have developed trust in the relationship, as supported by a study from the University of Central Lancashire on the development of trust in online relationships.
5. He gets physical right away
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When coaching, I always advise my clients to wait as long as possible for physical intimacy. Being intimate too early adds complexities to your relationship and often results in the conclusion of the relationship sooner rather than later.
Once physical intimacy is introduced, it can cloud judgment and impair the ability to determine if the date is a good match. You could get bound to intimacy and be involved in an unhealthy and unfulfilling relationship. Waiting and taking time gives you the advantage of determining relationship compatibility.
Engaging in any of these behaviors can wreak havoc on your goal of finding love. As always, take things slowly, be mindful of your choices and behaviors, and let the relationship unfold naturally.
Julianne Cantarella is a Licensed Social Worker and Certified Life Coach who has spent her entire career helping those in need. She is the creator of a comprehensive one-of-a-kind, transformational-date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate.
