The excitement and anticipation of the early stages of a new relationship can be nerve-wracking. It's hard to know what to look for if you're trying to figure out whether or not a relationship will last. However, the foundation of any great relationship has only two key ingredients.
Do you want to know what they are? I'll tell you, but first, consider this. When you meet someone anywhere in any walk of life, you're already on a first date. When done right, the first date is more of a continuation than a beginning. With that in mind, when you meet someone by chance, take your time. If you take your time, you will begin to notice if you have chemistry and, more importantly, you will see if you have the first key ingredient.
All chemistry is, thanks to not-so-romantic research from the University of Washington, different chemicals in our brains reacting to someone we like. There are two big things to look for when you're first dating someone, indications that you might be on the verge of something special.
Two clues let you know early on that a relationship will last, according to psychology:
1. Conversation that doesn't end
People who have natural chemistry can talk for hours and are truly interested in what the other person has to say. When this happens, try to notice if these three things are true:
- You have each other's full attention
Does it seem as if time has lost all meaning? Are you making regular eye contact, effortlessly? Are you both laughing a lot? Has everyone else in the room seemed to have disappeared? These are good signs.
- Your body movements begin to sync up
As you walk together, do your footsteps seem to be aligned? Is the space between you just right? Does it feel right to hold hands or even put your arm around them? There might be something there, as actual romantic research tells us.
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- It feels good
This is not an exact quality, but you know it when it happens. Are you excited about seeing them? Do you want the date to go on and on? Are you curious about them? Do they make you feel good about yourself? Sounds like it feels pretty good so far!
2. He contacts you when he says he will
The reason the early stage of a relationship is important is the agreement it takes to get there. These are three things to look for on those first few dates:
- Does he call when he says he's going to call?
No need to sit and wait for the phone to ring or for the text to buzz. He said he'd contact you at a certain time — and he did. That means he's not playing games. It's a good sign.
- Does he have a plan for your dates?
If so, it means he's put thought into the event. It doesn't even have to be an elaborate date. A nice meal, maybe a movie or a day at a museum — something that says, I care about how the time we spend together goes, so I'm planning for it.
- Does he show up on time?
Now, not every man is Punctual Pete, and there is some thought that people who are chronically late might be pretty cool. Sometimes there's traffic or an unforeseen event at work.
Sometimes the GPS sends people on a longer route than expected, or they underestimate the actual time it'll take to get to their destination. But the kicker is this: If he's going to be late and doesn't text or call, there had better be an excellent reason. Otherwise — no second date.
The reason my wife and I are still together after so many years is quite simple. We make and keep our agreements. It started before the first date from the moment we met. After that, it becomes simple because the best thing to look for on a first date is a conversation that doesn't end.
James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of A Life of Love and Dating Advice for Alpha Women.
