I got an email from a woman who explained she was successful, attractive, and runs her own business and department. She was entirely confident about herself, but she had a question: "Why am I single?" She wanted to know why she could never get a boyfriend.
I’m thrilled that this woman feels so confident about herself, but the problem for many women like this is that they take their business side with them when they go out on first dates. Instead of flirting, they act like interrogators — they sit there and conduct a date like a business interview, asking the guy questions and putting him on the spot.
Unfortunately, this is one of many common behaviors women who can't find long-lasting love do.
Here are 7 common behaviors of women who tend to be single forever, according to psychology:
1.They conduct the date like a business interview.
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When a woman is not flirtatious, the guy leaves that dating feeling like he’s just been on a job interview. He wonders why this woman interrogated him for two hours and why, on the first date, she asked him whether he wanted to have kids and how many he wanted to have.
I have seen women do this repeatedly. They think that they are weeding out the wrong guys by asking all these questions on a first date, but in reality, they are conducting a business interview.
According to a poll from YouGov, meeting a date's parents is another big first-date turn-off, so imagine the feeling the man is left with after he's been asked multiple questions about his own family plans. Instead, focus on being in the moment, finding commonalities and having fun. You'll discover all the vital info you're looking for soon — you don’t need to drill down everything on the first date.
A date is not a business interview. It is a way to get flirtatious, have fun, and be cute and playful.
2.They compete with the guy.
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So many women who compete with men in the business world take that same personality and compete with men on dates. When I was single, I never cared if a woman made more money than I did as long as she didn’t act like an interrogator on our date.
As a man, I don’t need to be the breadwinner — it's not unheard of for a woman to make more than her husband. Statistics from the Pew Research Center state that 30% of women make more than their husbands. But on a first date, when I'm trying to get to know a woman, I want to feel wanted and desired — physically and emotionally. The problem is that many of these women don’t allow a man to think that on a date. Instead, they are adversarial.
3.They forget to flirt.
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Research from 2022 states that flirting on a date is necessary to have a chance at getting someone interested in pursuing a relationship. People flirt to show romantic interest in someone.
What do I mean by flirting? You need to look into a guy’s eyes, smile, compliment him, and laugh when he says something funny. You're just in business mode when you don’t do these things, which is what so many women do.
Focus on being in flirtatious, fun mode when you're on a date with a guy.
4.They avoid touching him.
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Another thing that many women fail to do on a first date is touch. No, I don’t mean to grope a guy or touch him in any overt creepy way. Not touching a guy at all, though, is a mistake.
Touch his hands or his shoulder as you walk. If you avoid touching your date, you don't get to explore that physical communication, which is essential to building a relationship and getting to know someone.
According to research from Syracuse University, showing physical affection to your partner can help foster and maintain intimacy in your relationship. Touching a guy this way is just an excellent, subtle way to show him you’re interested.
5.They don't drop hints.
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Would you like to get together again? Then it would help if you dropped him some hints. Men love hints.
Say you’re talking over dinner, and he mentions his favorite band (which happens to be a favorite band of yours as well). Instead of saying you love that band’s music, say, “I think they’re coming here in concert soon.” By saying that, the guy will likely say, “If they’re playing here soon, then you and I are going.”
It’s a little bit like fishing. If you drop the bait, the man will take it. You have to drop the hint so the man asks you out again.
If you’re a successful woman who goes out on many first dates but almost no second dates, you must rethink the signals you're giving off (or aren't).
6.They don't dress for the occasion.
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It's a first date; We're not expecting to see you dressed up like it's a court date, but at least put some thought into dressing nicely.
You wouldn't want to date a guy who wears an undershirt and sweatpants with questionable stains, so consider yourself in the same manner.
What do men like women to wear? Research from the Archives of Behavior states that men love women in heels. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to walk in stilettos to catch his attention, but it's proof that guys love it when a woman dresses up. Pick something you feel confident in, and the rest should fall into place.
7.They assume all men are the same.
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There's no denying there are men out there who are real jerks. But you can't let that stop you from trying to find love.
Going on dates with a guy just to complain about other men won't win you any sympathy (or a second date).
Maybe you keep attracting the wrong guys because you keep picking them. Boston University states that some people have the wrong partners because they subconsciously believe they deserve it. So make sure you're in the right state of mind to attract the type of man you want to be with. You may be surprised who you find waiting for you on the following date — it could be the man you can build a real relationship with.
David Wygant is a dating coach and lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post. His advice has been featured on television, in newspapers, and in magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.
