I have a recurring fantasy that involves a beach, a margarita, and, most importantly, a hunky husband. You know that one much-needed vacation. Like many couples, my husband and I are longing for some alone time — some time to relax, take a break from life and connect.

Luckily for us, and most couples, it turns out that opportunities to enhance the romance are more attainable than you’d think. According to psychologist Dr. John Gottman of the famed “Love Lab,” lasting love is fed by little, everyday moments of connection.

Here are 3 daily habits that will make your marriage stronger:

1. Do little and thoughtful kind things for each other

According to relationship expert Dr. Jack Ito, little acts of love and kindness go a long way. In his article “How to Show Love in Marriage,” he writes that the big things we do in marriage only get us so far.

Working full-time to pay the mortgage, making meals, and caring for children — these things are necessary, expected, and connected with duty. Little extras, however, are done because you want to do them. They show your spouse you’re willing to put in extra effort because he or she is worth it.

In The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman writes that Hollywood distorts our notions of romantic love: “Watching Humphrey Bogart gather teary-eyed Ingrid Bergman into his arms may make your heart pound, but real-life romance is fueled by far more humdrum scenes. It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life.”

According to research from the Gottman Institute, couples who can show appreciation for each other will strengthen their relationship. When I think about it, I do feel a strong sense of being loved when my husband does the simplest things for me, like when he fixes my plate for dinner or texts me during the day to see how I am. 

Or when he does little things to help me as a mom. Almost every morning Kyle brings the baby to me with a clean diaper. That’s love, my friend.

2. Make time to say yes to each other every single day

Mateus Souza / Pexels

Time is the enemy of busy couples. But time spent in positive interactions with your spouse is non-negotiable.

As Dr. Gottman writes, “A husband and wife are continually making bids for each other’s attention — introducing a conversation topic, implicitly asking a favor, etc. — and the most successful couples are the ones who continually ‘turn toward’ their partners.” They say yes to each other’s requests for attention, interaction, and love, I suppose. These everyday interactions serve to build up a bank of love and trust, Dr. Gottman says.

Trust is the foundation of a relationship, according to research from 2023. I’m thinking just now of a bid for attention and connection I missed last week. 

Kyle spent hours digging planting and laying mulch in our yard. Multiple times throughout the process he asked if I’d seen the latest thing he’d completed. At least twice I said no, I hadn’t seen it, and continued to fold laundry.

Finally, I figured out what he wanted: to share the experience with me, to see if his work pleased me. So I’ve made the trek to the backyard a few times since then. Finding meaningful moments of connection in his joy of spring yard work.

3. Establish relationship rituals and daily marriage habits

cottonbro studio / Pexels

There is something powerful in creating the “just us” element in a relationship. As couples therapist Zach Brittle says, rituals are a way to ensure that your relationship is unique. Rituals are regularly occurring activities or traditions that you share as a couple, which serve to strengthen your bond.

If you’re anything like me, you have a love-hate relationship with Netflix. I feel like my downtime could be better spent reading a book, but honestly, watching something together is one of the best rituals Kyle and I share.

As soon as the last babe is in bed, we practically run to the couch and start our current show. We bond over the whole process. If it sounds like I’m defending a hardcore habit, I am. 

The ritual we’ve established is to spend our unwinding time in the evening together, sharing something we both enjoy. When I finally go on that dream vacation, I want to go with a lot of love and trust already in the bank.

I want to go with all our inside jokes and a history of thoughtfulness and goodwill. I want the overwhelming feeling that this cute husband is my partner in life and romance. Research from 2016 states that couples who can laugh together will have a happier and healthier relationship than those who don't.

The Gottman Institute’s approach to relationship health has been developed from 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples.

This article was originally published at The Gottman Institute. Reprinted with permission from the author.