How many times have you met a great guy, started dating, and the relationship just doesn’t go anywhere? He’s attractive, the two of you have a lot in common, and you were positive the two of you were a perfect match.
But then he stopped reaching out or texting you and barely responded when you reached out first. Watch out for these signs so you won’t waste your time with Mr. Convenient. Instead, you’ll find yourself with Mr. Right — a man who is truly in love with all of you.
Here are eleven subtle traits of a man who is in love with you, according to psychology:
1. He wants to impress you
Like many animals going through a mating dance, a man interested in you will puff up his feathers and try to impress you, whether it's with his earning ability, his intelligence, his charm, or his fancy toys.
You may misinterpret his actions as talking too much, showing off, or even bragging. But underneath his bravado, he just wants to impress you. Rather than discounting his efforts, let him know what you like and value in a partner, as suggested by research in The Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin. Then, he can dazzle you instead of missing the mark.
Share how he can captivate your heart and see if he can adjust. Acknowledge and appreciate his efforts.
2. He wants to be exclusive
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When a man falls in love, he wants to be exclusive with you so he won’t lose you to another. A study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin supports that he sees you as a good match and may rush to be exclusive. He may be moving a little too quickly for you, but his desire for exclusivity means he likes you and is serious about you.
If he's not making moves to commit to you, he may not be ready for a relationship. Or, he may be just looking for something convenient with no strings attached. Most men like companionship and regular physical intimacy, so spending time with you doesn’t always mean he wants a relationship.
If he isn’t making any moves to commit, don’t be exclusive with him. Continue dating other people. But if he doesn't tolerate you being out with someone else, it might mean he wants to be yours.
3. He will wait for you
Just because he's rushing to be exclusive doesn’t mean he won't disappear if you tell him you're not ready to go exclusive yet. If a man is in love with you, he'll wait for you to be ready to be exclusive.
Don’t make the mistake of rushing in before you know if he's a good match for you. You ultimately have veto power, so don't rush things, and be sure you know more about him than just his attractiveness. It takes more than chemistry to make a relationship last.
If you're interested but unsure if you're ready, remember to tell him, "Not yet," instead of "No." You don’t want to discourage him. "No" means you’re not interested in him, which is a world of difference from wanting to take things at a slower pace.
A patient man will let you set the pace of the relationship and wait for you to decide when you're ready to take things further.
4. He listens to you and responds to your requests
Don’t waste your time with a man who isn’t willing to make adjustments to give you what you want.
Many women want to make things easy, so they go along to get along. This is not a good strategy for figuring out if the guy you're dating is really into you or just likes hanging out with you for convenience.
A man who wants a relationship with you is willing to do what it takes. Give him some hurdles to overcome to earn your love. Mr. Convenient Guy will move along if he has to put in too much effort. Rejection is your protection through the dating process.
Let the wrong matches deselect themselves so you’re free to find the guy who's willing to earn your devotion. The man who wants a relationship with you will step up and make an effort to win your heart. He will pay close attention to your likes and dislikes and will make an effort to please you, as shown by research in The Handbook Of Relationship Initiation.
5. He puts on his superhero cape
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He wants to be your hero and feels a sense of pride in being able to fix things for you and solve your problems. Whether he wants to help fix your car or your problems at work, his efforts to prove himself to you are evidence that he's falling for you.
Acknowledge and appreciate his efforts to help you, and you’ll see his confidence grow in your relationship, as suggested by the American Psychological Association. A man who feels like he can solve your problems will stick by you through thick and thin.
If he doesn’t feel appreciated, then he may withdraw, become insecure, and move on to find someone else who does value his efforts. So, if you’re a career woman, allow him to provide something of value to you, even if it’s not financial security.
Let him know you appreciate his insights, his help with some of your projects or workouts, or how his hugs ground you and leave you feeling safe. Let him put on his Superman cape and come to your aid.
6. He makes an effort to repair and reconnect after a conflict
All relationships will hit some bumps and endure conflicts. Just because he's falling in love with you doesn’t mean that he won’t make any mistakes. But he will be willing to make it up to you when he does.
Love doesn't come with mind-reading powers. Just because he loves you doesn’t mean he somehow knows exactly what you want and needs from him.
Don’t judge him on his ability to anticipate what you want. Judge him on his ability to clean up his mistakes and do what's necessary to make it up to you. He will take responsibility for his errors and will be willing to make amends for when he has let you down.
7. His goal is to make you happy
A man who wants a relationship with you will take action to show you he's in it to win it with you and he has no interest in anyone else. He will take pride in knowing how to bring more joy and happiness into your life. He will pay attention to the little details of your likes and dislikes.
Make it easy for him to bring you more joy. Tell him what you do and don't like when it comes to food, music, hobbies, and intimacy. A study in the Augmentative and Alternative Communication Journal suggests letting him know how to please you.
Don’t keep it a secret and then judge him because he doesn’t know. A man who is in love with you will deliver exactly what you desire as long as you spell it out for him.
8. He wants to make you part of his life
When a man falls in love, he wants to include you in his life. He will introduce you to his friends and invite you to family gatherings. If he's keeping you to himself and not making you a part of his life, he may not see you in his future. Having a secret romance can feel exciting, but it will not turn into a lasting relationship, as shown by research in the Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin.
See if he wants to show you off to his friends and family. Does he share with you what's going on at work or ask for your advice about an issue in his life?
If you’re in the dark about his life outside of this relationship — beware. A man who values you in his life will share the details of his life with you and will show you off to people close to him. But, if he's secretive, he's keeping things from you for a reason.
9. He sees you in his future
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When a man falls in love, he will plan for your future together. Whether he's reaching out to you for future dates, planning a trip together, or buying tickets to events three months in advance, he sees the two of you together beyond the present moment.
A man who isn’t moving things forward probably likes you but isn’t falling for you. He may find you attractive and enjoy your company, but he isn’t ready for a relationship.
You can easily discover the difference by leaning back and letting him lead. If he moves things forward, then he's likely falling for you. If he's waiting for you to pursue him, then stop making an effort to see him, and he will probably disappear. Better to know now than three more months down the road when you’re more attached to him.
10. He’s willing and able to work through conflict with you
Conflict is a natural part of all relationships. Just because the two of you love each other doesn’t mean that you'll always get along or won’t have disagreements.
Happily ever after, it only happens in the movies. A man who loves you is willing and able to figure it out with you when things get bumpy. Don’t shy away from conflict and smooth over disagreements at the beginning.
Instead, use conflict to discover if the two of you can navigate life’s challenges together. If he's unwilling to see your side of things or doesn’t want to address your differences, then he probably isn’t going to be a good match for you in the long run. Conflict can be a doorway to a deeper connection when you're with a man who isn’t too stubborn or closed off to be authentic with you.
11. He loves your weirdness
When a man falls in love with you, it’s because he loves you for who you are. A study in the Psychological Assessment Journal suggests he loves those things others may have broken up with you about. He even loves your flaws and your quirkiness.
He isn’t falling for a fantasy of you, he’s falling for the actual you and will adore the quirky things about you. He won’t ask you to change. Let your uniqueness shine into the world so that the man who is looking for you can find you.
Some relationships run hot and cold until they fizzle out. Yet again, you find yourself single, heartbroken, and confused. You were positive he was in love with you. What went wrong?
How could you have known sooner how he felt instead of wasting your precious time on someone who didn't have feelings for you? If you're paying attention, he'll show you his true feelings.
For the most part, men are quite obvious and not at all mysterious in pursuit of someone they fancy. So, stop trying to guess or create meaning out of subtle clues in his behavior.
When a man falls in love, he falls in love with all of you — the good, the bad, and the ugly. So, don’t put effort into men who are not putting effort into you.
Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches, the founders of Creating Love On Purpose, which takes a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks into love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.
This article was originally published at Creating Love On Purpose. Reprinted with permission from the author.
