The day I turned 40, I was shocked because I was still single. How had I reached this milestone birthday and remained unattached? Honestly, I felt devastated. I was still thinking about marriage at 40 and wondered how this could have happened to me. 

I wanted to meet a wonderful guy who had a good heart and was kind, fun to be with, attractive, employed, and someone who could accept my spiritual viewpoints about life. My goal was to connect with a man who would be my partner and soulmate.

In 15 months, I dated 30 men. I ended up finding Paul, the man I married. I smile as I write this because we just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary! And I have to tell you, my husband is still totally adorable and continues to make me laugh. It wasn't apparent at first that Paul was the right man for me because we were so different. Our backgrounds, family upbringings, religions, and careers were opposites.

Here are 7 subtle signs I knew I found my soulmate after 40:

1. At the end of our first date, he walked me to my car.

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He stopped to ask if he could see me again, to which I responded, "Yes!" Then he kissed me on the cheek and started to walk back to his car. 

Before he got there, he turned around and asked, "When are you available again?" Soulmate check! My heart melted because he wanted more of me!

Findings from a 2016 study on chivalry indicate that society generally endorses chivalrous behavior, mainly that men should protect women from harm. It often stems from social norms that view women as more vulnerable and less tolerant of pain, making it morally unacceptable to harm them.

2. The cosmos sent me signs.

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On our third date, we walked along the beach and sat on a bench with a gorgeous water view. Paul kissed me under the moonlight, and I saw a shooting star brighten the night sky. 

Soulmate check! Something cosmic and romantic was unfolding.

3. For our fourth date, he was an hour late (for good reason).

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When I answered the door feeling angry and frantic, wondering what had happened to him, he handed me flowers and apologized. When I invited him in, he explained how he had stopped to help a woman with three small grandchildren whose car had broken down in the middle of the street on his way over to see me.

Soulmate check! I knew he had a good heart.

4. Of all the men I had dated, my time with him seemed very different.

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Things felt light and peaceful, contrasting with my high-energy, fast-paced daily life. This was a welcome change for me. 

Other men may have brought out more excitement or intellectual conversation, but with Paul, I felt at ease in an uncommon and enjoyable way. Soulmate check! We were compatible, and it felt really good to spend time with him.

According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, feeling peaceful with a partner is primarily linked to releasing oxytocin. This hormone promotes feelings of contentment, security, and calmness, especially with a strong sense of attachment and trust. Feeling understood, supported, and validated by your partner further enhances this feeling, leading to reduced anxiety and a sense of emotional safety. 

5. He accepted my spiritual viewpoints.

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He didn't have to agree with them, but I wanted to be respected. When Paul and I spent time in nature, I realized we had different but compatible spiritual viewpoints. 

He pointed out animals and plants I wouldn't have noticed without him. Soulmate check! We both revered the earth and the cosmos.

A 2023 study indicates that spiritual intimacy, which involves sharing meaning, values, and connection to something larger than oneself with a partner, is strongly associated with greater relationship satisfaction, improved communication, reduced conflict, and a more profound sense of connection between partners. Spiritually connected couples tend to have more robust, fulfilling relationships.

6. I can be silly and vulnerable in front of him.

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I once mentioned to Paul that I had a dream about Paul Newman. I never dreamt about movie stars, so I was puzzled about it. He figured it out right away, asking me, "You had a dream about 'Paul the New Man?'" 

We laughed about it together for a long time. Soulmate check! Paul quickly saw the "pun" of my dream and made me laugh.

A study published by the Journal of the British Society for Phenomenology indicates that vulnerability is linked to a deeper connection, intimacy, and positive social relationships. It involves exposing one's true self, emotions, and insecurities, which can foster trust and understanding when met with a supportive response from others. However, the fear of rejection or judgment can often hinder vulnerability, particularly in situations where past experiences have created a sense of guardedness.

7. My subconscious mind felt safe with him.

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The first night we spent together, I dreamt about us. In my dream, I was a Celtic spiritual woman, and he was a warrior. He's of Irish and English descent, but I'm not. 

We were considering marriage, and I asked him if he would protect me. He stood firm, bowed, and answered solemnly, "Yes, I will."

Knowing whether the person you're dating is your soulmate is an individual process. Having been through this myself and as a dating coach for women, I know compatibility and respect are the keys to a lasting partnership.

These seven soulmate checkpoints helped me identify Paul as the right man for me. Take the time to figure out what matters most to you and use that as your soulmate guide.

Findings from a 2022 Frontiers in Psychology study indicate that emotional safety refers to expressing oneself freely without fear of negative judgment or consequences, fostering a sense of trust and connection within a relationship or group, which is crucial for positive social interactions, learning, and overall well-being. The study also shows that individuals in emotionally safe environments tend to be more open in communication, experience reduced stress, and perform better in teams, with the concept deeply rooted in the human need for social connection and belonging.

Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach and Past Life Reader. Her audio course, How to Ask the Universe for a Sign is available for anyone looking for answers.