Relationships take work, but you shouldn’t feel weighed down by the labor. In a healthy relationship, both people put in the work, with the understanding that they’re making their relationship more fulfilling for each other. When both people aim to be the best versions of themselves, they’re able to show up in a truly connective way.
In the end, it’s the little things that mean a lot to the person you love. According to research from UNC social psychology professor Sara Algoe, its "gratitude and shared laughter" that truly "strengthen romantic partnerships." The strength of your love is less about sweeping romantic gestures and more about what you do for each on a day to day basis. There are so many ways to share your love. Attuning to the person you love means that you understand them on a deeper level, so you can grow together.
Here are 10 things that mean a lot to the person you love
1. Showing patience
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Showing patience means a lot to the person you love. We all have patterns of behavior that might not serve us, but are still hard to break out of. We all have habits we want to shed and a past full of mistakes we’ve made. Being patient with the person you love means accepting them for who they are. It means standing alongside them on the journey of becoming their most authentic self. Being patient means giving them time to process and space to change, without rushing them.
Therapist Jeff Guenther shares that being patient with the person you love is a key aspect of accepting them as “a good enough partner, because there’s no such thing as perfect.”
“Be patient,” he advises. “Relationships take time and effort to grow and develop. Take it slow with your partner and offer support and you both evolve into becoming better matches for each other.”
Guenther also noted the importance of adjusting expectations and not setting your standards at a level that’s impossible to reach, because, again, “there’s no such thing as perfect.”
“Everyone has flaws,” he says. “Everyone is annoying and we all have a couple red flags. Focus on finding someone who aligns with your values, shares common interests, and supports you in your goals.”
2. Not judging them for their imperfections
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Something that means a lot to the person you love is not judging them for their imperfections, failures, or past mistakes. Opening up and being vulnerable with each is essential to building a connection, but it’s nearly impossible to let yourself be vulnerable with a judgmental person. As the person you love shares more of themselves with you, the biggest gift you can give is being nonjudgmental. It’s a way to build trust in real-time, to show that you love the whole of them.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Barbara Lavi points out, “The more you trust one another and share things about yourself, the more love unfolds.”
“When we meet, we put our best foot forward. As we get to know our potential partner, we share things we are less confident about. It takes time to share our fears, doubts, secrets, and dreams,” she continues.
“Each time you share deeper parts of yourself, you're testing the waters: 'Can I trust this person with my unpleasant habits and things that have happened to me? Will they still want to be with me, faults and all?’”
“As you dare to share parts of yourself and they do the same, you get a little closer to loving one another, Dr. Lavi concludes. “The more you trust one another and share things about yourself, the more love unfolds.”
3. Having routines that are just for the two of you
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Another little thing that means a lot to the person you love is establishing routines that are just for the two of you to share. After the honeymoon phase is over, and you’ve entered the era of being annoyed that they leave dirty socks crumpled in a ball on the floor, it’s important to remember what got to this point in the first place. You love each other and you have fun together, and there’s no one you’d rather wake up next to each morning.
A simple way to keep the spark alive is to have things you do together, just the two of you. These routines don’t have to be extravagant or complicated. You don’t even have to leave home to make the time you spend together just a little more special. Your routine could involve trying out new waffle recipes every weekend and eating them in bed. It could be having a two-person dance party in the kitchen or telling each other a few good things that happened during the day.
Staying connected in a world of chaos isn’t always easy, but finding time that you can devote to each other will keep your love strong.
4. Giving them space
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Giving the person you love space when they need it is a little thing that means a lot to them. We often hold onto the misconception that being apart makes relationships falter, when in reality, having time to yourself makes your bond even deeper.
The impulse to not take space apart can be especially strong when there’s conflict between you and the person you love. Yet giving them — and yourself — a moment alone to process all the painful emotions helps in the long-run. Calling a time-out allows you to come back to the conversation once you’re calm and grounded.
As psychotherapist Joan E. Childs explains, “Conflict is productive in healthy relationships.”
“Conflicts need to be externalized and resolved,” she shares. “Couples need to have rules to negotiate differences. Many modalities teach couples how to have effective communication, but none of these can be successful without the art of ‘presencing.’”
Childs defines ‘presencing’ as “the willingness to be in the here and now, focused, attuned, and mindful of your partner with an open heart and mind. It includes active listening and patience.”
“Being actively present in your relationship and learning to communicate with one another helps stop the arguing before it starts and gives couples the chance to become attuned to each other's needs,” she concludes.
It’s hard to be mindful when you or the person you love is on the edge of exploding, which is why giving each other space is a healthy way to approach conflicts. Space is a little thing that means a lot to the person you love.
5. Affirming how you feel about them
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A little thing that means a lot to the person you love is letting them know that you love them. Everyone has their own way of expressing and receiving affection, yet the power of telling someone exactly how you feel can’t be understated. Whether you and your person have been together for weeks, months, or decades, sharing your inner feelings is a powerful way to stay connected.
There’s more than one way to tell the person you love that you love them. Sure, you can say “I love you,” but there’s so much else to say, too. You can tell them that you love how they can’t remember the lyrics to any songs, but that doesn't stop them from singing along. You can tell them how you feel safe with them, how much they make you laugh. You can list off the specific traits they have that make you proud that they’re your person, all the little things that make them who they are, and that will mean so much to them.
6. Random acts of helpfulness
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Random acts of helpfulness are little things that mean a lot to the person you love. While the theory of love languages might not hold any water, according to one relationship scientist, there’s major value to be found in doing acts of service. Doing the dishes might not be your idea of a deep display of affection, but let’s face it: Being a person is hard, and anything you do to make the day a little easier for the person you love is going to mean a lot.
Random acts of helpfulness require you to pay attention to the space you share with the person you love. Being helpful means paying attention and being proactive, instead of waiting to be told what to do. That might mean buying a dozen eggs to replace the ones you used for your epic Sunday Brunch frittata. It might mean not only folding the laundry but also putting it away. Being randomly helpful means offering to run errands after the person you love had a hard week or sitting next to them on the couch and letting them vent about that hard week, without trying to fix it.
Part of showing your love in action means putting yourself outside of yourself and doing the boring, monotonous tasks that no one really wants to do, but checking them off the list means a lot to the person you love.
7. Putting your phone down and paying attention
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A little thing that means a lot to the person you love is putting your phone down and paying attention. Having a smartphone gives us access to all the information in the world at all times, which, it turns out, is entirely distracting. How many times have you pulled your phone out while the person you love is talking, so you could mindlessly scroll as they told you about their day? Putting your phone away and paying actual attention to the person you love not only means a lot, it can predict the future of your relationship.
Divorce attorney Ronald Bavaro touches on the topic of “phubbing,” which is a combination of the words “phone” and “snubbing.” The term refers to ignoring your partner in favor of your phone, which is something we all do sometimes, but the more you do it, the more disconnected you become.
“Spouses who phubb each other experience higher rates of depression, resentment, and isolation,” Bavaro points out. “While phubbing, in and of itself, may not directly lead to divorce it certainly can become the tipping point that pushes the relationship over the cliff.”
Putting your phone in a different room while you have dinner or decompress after work is a healthy habit to get into, and it’s a little thing that means a lot to the person you love.
8. Offering small surprises
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Offering small surprises to the person you love is a little thing that means a lot. Often, we think gifts have to be expensive or fancy. We think that date nights have to be planned months in advance and involve something truly out there, like a hot air balloon ride during sunset. The truth is, small surprises mean a lot to the person you love, and they don’t have to be anything over the top or even cost you money.
Make your person’s favorite meal in the middle of the week, just to boost their spirits, just because. Bring them flowers you gathered in the park or a perfectly round stone you found. Write them a love note and leave it on the bathroom mirror. Make them a playlist of songs that remind you of how much you love them. Giving them small surprises reinforces the bond you share. It’s a sweet way to be considerate and it means a lot to the person you love.
9. Lifting them up in moments of doubt
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Another small thing that means a lot to the person you love is lifting them up in moments of doubt. We all have those moments, when we feel like we’re not good enough– It’s an essential human experience. Having a partner who provides support and encouragement reminds us of how capable we are.
On days when they feel like they can’t do anything right, let your partner know that you see them for who they really are. Remind them of their power, their strength, their inherent loveability. Give them the gentle ego boost they need to feel better, and celebrate their wins, once they inevitably succeed.
10. Sharing everyday joys
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A little thing that means a lot to the person you love is sharing everyday joys with them. Let them see the world the way you see it. Send them cute selfies of you and the strawberry smoothie you made. Narrate your route around the neighborhood when you take your dog on a sniffy walk and share the voice memo with them. Finding moments of joy to share will make you both happy, because it’s a little thing you have together.
Life coach Mitzi Bockmann points out that when you’re in a relationship with “The One,” you feel hopeful, more often than not.
“Someone in a solid, healthy relationship is someone who looks forward with hope and knows that the weekend will be amazing, even if you're just staying home,” she explains. “You're on the same page as your partner about the future, and that feels good! You know that no matter what, your relationship will prevail.”
Being joyful with each other is a little thing that means a lot to the person you love, which means you’re in the right place.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
