If you are a strong, successful woman lacking a healthy, fulfilling relationship, chances are there are a few reasons why you may feel like you’re still single. Limiting beliefs — beliefs you hold from the past limiting your present life and lifestyle — are some of the biggest reasons people don’t get what they want. 

If you find yourself successful in some areas of life (like your career) but not so successful in others (like love), you may need to step back and think about why you think you might be single. Are any of these your reasons for why you’re single?

Five crippling beliefs that can keep people single forever:

1. It’s hard to meet good men where I live

Remember a time when you met a man who was interested in you? Remember that he was interested in you, not your money, or that he thought you were too old. 

Reflect on that. Simply asking yourself “How true is that belief, really?” can help you realize that it isn’t an absolute. This wake-up call question can bring you back to the present and the understanding that it’s not an absolute truth. Research from Queen's University even confirms that our mind lies to us.

2. Good guys all want younger women

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The past is the past. Just because you met one man who was interested in dating younger women, it doesn’t mean that all men are interested in dating younger women. There’s a butt for every chair; you just have to find the right one for you.

If you hold on to your need to be right about your limiting belief, it may keep you stuck in attracting exactly what you don’t want. You’ll continue to draw proof of your beliefs to you, making you right. Psychology calls this a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The question to ask yourself is “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” Stop dragging the past into every interaction. Create new rules for yourself, then live into them each day.

3. Good guys want to be with me because I’m successful and they want me to take care of them

Remind yourself that a belief isn’t necessarily a universal truth. Maybe you have friends in your peer group who are in successful relationships. 

How on Earth did they find love if there were no good men where you live? Collecting evidence of why your limiting beliefs only serve to keep you safe and stuck is critical to letting them go. 

Remember, you can’t simply think your way out of your thoughts; getting where the core belief came from and then disproving it will be essential to changing your beliefs for the long term. One 2005 study from the University of Chicago found that men find successful women extremely attractive.

4. Men are intimidated by strong, independent women

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Start throwing your beliefs out the window, one by one. Take a risk. Don’t immediately assume that a guy who wants to date you wants to be with you because of your income level. 

5. My town is full of men I don’t want to be with 

Let someone be interested in you. Be interested in him. Let situations unfold. Let go of control. 

Explore what life looks like with a new set of beliefs, and you’ll soon find that the positive, happy, and confident you will start collecting evidence of those new beliefs–beliefs that will ultimately put you in the path of Mr. Right sooner rather than later. According to 2022 research, high self-esteem can even be good for your health.

The good news is, you’re not alone. The bad news is that limiting beliefs like the ones above are just that: limiting. They’ll prevent you from meeting your man, meeting good men (and they do exist!), and prevent you from being happy.

If you’ve lived through one of the above beliefs and that experience is your evidence that it’s an absolute truth (rather than simply YOUR truth based on that experience), it’s easy (and convenient) to assume that it is the absolute truth. When you hold on to these beliefs as THE TRUTH, you’re essentially living in the past–which makes it impossible for you to be in the moment and get to your exciting future.

Marni Battista is a Los Angeles-based certified life coach, the founder of Dating with Dignity and The Institute for Living Courageously, and the author of dating advice for women.