A healthy relationship can take many forms, but all of them are founded on a few main principles: open communication, trust, and respect. Without these three pillars, even the most well-intentioned partners can fall victim to disconnect and resentment.
Of course, not everyone learns how to engage in a healthy connection early in their lives, especially with childhood trauma and toxic parents to blame, so finding space for them in adulthood can be challenging. Despite being challenging, it's not impossible to learn how to be a caring partner, and there are certain signs of a supportive partner who actually cares about your feelings that can make it easier to prioritize these healthy pillars.
Here are 10 signs of a supportive partner who actually cares about your feelings
1. They make space for your emotions, even when they're upset
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Being present in your own emotions while simultaneously making space for another person's isn't easy; in fact, it often takes a lot of practice to achieve. Some people are given the opportunity to practice emotional regulation from a young age, with supportive parents who listen to their kids' big emotions and have honest open conversations, but not everyone has that luxury.
For those that don't, navigating reactionary attachment styles, like a study published in Personality and Individual Differences explains, and trying to re-learn self-awareness amid the chaos of life is difficult, but not impossible. Supportive partners typically have these traits, or are, at least, committed to learning them in a relationship, making space for their own emotional needs while also listening to yours.
Even in arguments or high-emotion conflicts, supportive partners don't immediately dismiss their partner's emotions or resort to anger, but cultivate space for both parties to talk, listen, and empathize.
2. They motivate you towards your goals
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Supportive partners not only help the people around them to set their goals, on a daily basis and from a more long-term perspective, they also help to motivate you to achieve them. If you're trying to save money, but your partner constantly urges you to order takeout or go on an impulsive trip, are they celebrating your goals or sabotaging them?
Similarly to accountability partners for people starting a health journey, supportive partners in intimate relationships show up everyday for their significant other and prioritize healthy habits, mindset, and words of encouragement that help motivate each person in a relationship to be the best version of themselves.
3. They prioritize quality time with you
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Spending your life with someone or being in a long-term relationship isn't always going to be the lustful, exciting, and intriguing experience social media and societal expectations portray, but rather a sequence of quality time, dates, and conversations that define the health of a connection. While prioritizing planning dates is important, especially for long-term relationships and marriages, the ability to spend relaxing quality time alone together is equally influential.
According to experts from the Anchor Light Therapy Collective, the healthiest partners split their time 70/30 with their partners — 70% of their time is spent together, with 30% apart. Supportive partners don't mind doing nothing with their significant others, as long as they're also prioritizing the interests, hobbies, and alone time that supports everyone's emotional health and individual identities.
4. They keep their promises
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Trust is the basis for all relationships; in fact, an Eastern Illinois University research paper found that 100% of respondents to a survey named trustworthiness as a necessary key factor in their intimate connections.
To achieve the pillars of trust and respect in a relationship, a supportive partner keeps their promises and commitments. Their relationship is founded on security, where both partners feel confident that their emotions, secrets, and respect are being cherished by the other, without judgement or unnecessary critique.
5. They're open and honest
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Not only do supportive partners lead with compassion and empathy — conveying their own emotions from a regulated perspective — they encourage their partners to express their own uncomfortable emotions and needs, even when it's challenging. There's a foundational question to ask yourself if you're questioning whether your partner is right for you: Who do you want to support you during the darkest periods in your life?
Will your partner fully support you, listen without judgement, and make space for grief when you lose a loved one? Are they going to set their own needs to the side to prioritize yourself when you're struggling emotionally or physically? Can you trust them to honestly share their own struggles and concerns, before they spark resentment and disconnect?
Especially from the perspective of young women in relationships, like a study from the Journal of Primary Intervention explains, there is no relationship without trust.
6. They're comfortable discussing and setting boundaries
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In relationships that we're afraid to lose or sabotage, we fear the unknown. For insecure partners that aren't sure about what boundaries look like or how they manifest in daily lives, creating and setting healthy ones can feel impossible and intimidating. Supportive partners, whether or not they're versed in the intricacies of boundaries, always make space for discussions about their significant other's needs and expectations.
According to life coach Jo Nash, setting and maintaining boundaries requires self-awareness, good communication skills, and a level of assertiveness that can be intimidating for some people, especially those with unresolved childhood needs and relationship trauma. To overcome these fears and set appropriate expectations in a healthy relationship, you need a supportive partner who is willing to engage in these conversations with you, even at the expense of their own stagnancy and comfort.
7. They celebrate your success
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According to leadership expert Mike Robbins, insecurity can sabotage healthy relationships, whether they're professional, intimate, or platonic. Oftentimes, people battling low self-esteem struggle to genuinely celebrate and make space for other people's success, because they inherently compare themselves to others.
A supportive partner doesn't feel threatened or inferior in the face of their partner's success; in fact, it tends to bond them closer in a relationship when they watch their significant other achieve their goals and become a better version of themselves.
8. They respect and value your opinions
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Even for partners that disagree on certain topics or have different experiences, their relationship can still flourish with a commitment to honest and open communication. Supportive partners not only listen to their partners, but encourage them to discuss things they don't agree with, finding common ground and understanding even when it's difficult.
9. They encourage you to invest in other personal relationships
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Insecure partners tend to struggle with "sharing" their significant others with their families and friends, struggling with anxious thoughts in the face of separation. Supportive partners, on the other hand, acknowledge how a rich social life outside of a relationship can genuinely add value to their connection and encourage individuality, personal growth, and happiness.
According to research presented by the American Psychological Association, our emotional health is better supported when we invest into platonic relationships in addition to romantic ones. Despite societal pressures, especially on young women, to prioritize romance, research like this argues that platonic social connection is equally, if not more, important for safeguarding our health.
10. They lead with empathy
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Empathy is the framework that every healthy relationship pillar flourishes under. When our partners lead with empathy, they're more likely to make space in a relationship for communication. When they're centered with compassion, they can better regulate their emotions and celebrate their partner's small wins.
Everything comes back to this — a supportive partner loves unconditionally, even when times are challenging and tough.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
