What is a soulmate? We've been told to believe a soulmate is someone who meets our every wish and need when it comes to love. This definition reinforces an idealistic and naïve view.
Here are 3 painful truths you must understand about soulmates if you want to find yours, according to psychology:
1. Don't buy into the glossy soulmate narrative
The truth is if you buy into this glossy, shiny definition of "soulmate," you'll miss out on experiencing the true meaning of finding a soulmate and being one with someone else.
You'll meet many soulmates in your lifetime. As you evolve, each partner meets you where you're at in life. A soulmate is someone with whom you can be yourself but is not necessarily a perfect fit, as explored by a study in the Personal Relationships Journal.
2. Your soulmate is a reflection of you
A study on intimate imitation in the Journal of Cognition helps show how a true soulmate is like a mirror, reflecting you the aspects within yourself that are holding you back from being your true self. A soulmate influences you to change yourself to be your best so you can live the life you're meant to live.
When I was single, I considered myself a good catch and said I wanted to get married. But the truth is, I thought being married was like being trapped and controlled. I kept meeting good men who were non-committal until one day when I met my current husband.
He was the impetus for me to ask myself, "Which am I more committed to, getting married or my fears about marriage?" After much reflection, I realized I had been more committed to my fears, as evidenced by the non-committal men I attracted. It was then that I began to learn and believe marriage is a place of freedom and support.
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3. Finding a soulmate is all about timing
The universe brings you the right person based on where you're at, depending on your level of consciousness and where you need to grow the most. If you're still working through many internal issues, the best person can come along, and you won't be able to have your ideal relationship with him.
If you're waiting for someone who meets your every wish and need, prepare yourself to be single for a very long time, as supported by a paper on perfectionism in the American Journal of Psychotherapy. If you're open to the kind of soulmate I've described, understand they may come in a different package.
While you may feel happy and peaceful around him, you may also feel challenged to stretch yourself by growing in areas that don't come naturally to you.
For instance, if you have a difficult time expressing yourself openly, your soulmate isn't necessarily going to spoon-feed you with open communication. Instead, they will be willing to help you communicate more openly because they truly care about you.
Janet Ong Zimmerman is a dating and relationship coach, the founder of Love for Successful Women, and the creator of the Woo Course: 9 Juicy Ways to Bring Out a Man's Desire to Woo You. She helps successful women find the love they desire.
