You feel like you’ve got it all going on. You’ve been hitting the gym, have a stylish wardrobe, went to a competitive college, and lease a decent car — so why are you still single?

Many people want it all and have it all, except for that one and only person to share it all with. If the only thing you're missing is a relationship, maybe it's time to question whether having it all, ironically, makes you less likely to find a partner. “Having it all” means you could have debt or have made financial mistakes with long-lasting effects.

The 'boring' skill that's more attractive than any physical trait is financial literacy — and here's why:

1. Managing money matters when it comes to compatibility 

How you spend, save, and manage it matters a lot. Financial responsibility and intimacy are equally important when evaluating a partner’s compatibility, according to research in NPR. 

Intimacy, life goals, and financial responsibility are slightly above other factors, such as family planning, career goals, religion/spirituality, and politics. All of these are core values that define us as individuals, and when aligned with a partner’s values, this helps to create a successful long-term relationship.

2. Physical chemistry doesn't outweigh financial mistakes

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If you're an impulsive shopper, spend above your means, or have a lot of debt, this may negatively impact your ability to find a partner. And when it comes to money, everyone comes from different socioeconomic backgrounds.

Your beliefs about money management are likely rooted in childhood when you received many internalized messages about the “right” way to save or spend. As an adult, you're constantly — and sometimes unconsciously — forced to decide, daily, what's a worthy purchase versus what is too extravagant.

Do you tend to make investments for the future or prioritize instant gratification? The answers to these types of questions matter. Now that you’re aware of how important your financial responsibility is to your love life, it’s time to question what your money management style says about you.

According to research from Cornell University, you have to be aware of how important your financial responsibility is to your love life. So, now it’s time to question what your money management style says about you. 

In regards to finances, are you: Responsible or unreliable? Stable or unstable? Driven or unmotivated? Honest or untrustworthy? Goal-oriented or lazy?

3. Money and finances are the biggest conflict-causing topics couples face

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Being trustworthy, open, and honest about your spending habits and debt is vital in creating a healthy partnership because, ultimately, it is a partnership. Your financial decisions have an enormous impact on your lives. For many, money and stress go hand-in-hand. People who date with intention are looking to find partners who will minimize their daily stress, not add to it.

It's important to have financial discussions early in the dating process when looking for a marriage. A potential partner might judge your spending habits quickly in this very stark way. It’s unromantic, but some people will decide to date you based on your financial choices, research from 2023 confirms. Think about it: Someone will want to know there's financial security and safety in the future with you. They will want someone dependable.

Many people have accepted student debt as part of life, but how you handle it makes you attractive (or unattractive). Some people pride themselves on the amount of debt they have paid off because it shows commitment, responsibility, and determination. According to statistics, the average amount of debt an American has is $104,000.

They make payments on time, avoid extravagant credit card debt, and have a financial plan for the future. All these positive qualities are as captivating as physical charisma for many people.

Does your online profile need to broadcast your credit score or feature a full disclosure about your $100K debt? No, but it’s time to up your financial savvy. Be more aware of your spending habits, make smart(er) choices, and be prepared to communicate about money management with potential partners. Gaining greater financial stability is all you need for others to see you as a hot commodity on the dating market!

Samantha Burns is a licensed counselor, dating coach, and the love guru behind the free worksheet Reframing My Negative Thoughts About Love.