When it comes to finding love, it doesn’t make sense to settle for a lifetime together when you don’t share a soulmate connection. Eventually, the relationship tank won’t have enough gas to endure the challenging times.

A deep soulmate connection can be elusive when using common dating strategies. Don't worry—there’s a strategy for dating that invites a relationship that can grow into a deep connection. It involves six specific, helpful choices you can make, choices that help you manifest a genuine soulmate connection.

If you can manifest these six things, you'll find your soulmate:

1.Stop dating backward

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Most people who date backward are looking for a feeling that they are dating the right person. Unfortunately, feelings constantly change, so using your feelings as a guide is not the best way to choose a life partner.

Giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt is dating backward. Letting your feelings of attraction and chemistry cloud your judgment, ignoring red flags, or excusing lousy behavior will never bring you the soul connection you crave. Never give a stranger the benefit of the doubt, no matter how strong the chemistry between you is.

Once someone has proven trustworthy and reliable, you can give them the benefit of the doubt because they’ve earned it.

Allow dating to be a process and practice slow love. Take your time getting to know each other before going exclusive, and don’t make any assumptions. Use dating to find your limiting beliefs and other hidden blocks to love.

According to psychologist Russell Hurlburt's research, between 30 and 50 percent of people regularly think to themselves in internal monologues. Listen to yours to better understand your true feelings about each person you date. At the end of each date, check in to see how you’re feeling and what you’re saying to yourself.

• Is it different with a man you’re attracted to vs. a man you don’t feel the same spark with?
• Are you able to be authentic with each one?
• Pay attention to the walk to the car after the date. How do you feel, and what’s your inner dialog after you’ve parted from him?

This is where you discover if there are any hidden beliefs or strategies that will keep you from the soul connection you desire. When you cultivate discernment, you can easily deselect a guy who is not a match.

2.Discover your patterns in love

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Your positive and negative patterns in love show you what needs to change. Take an inventory of your relationship history. Notice similarities with the type of guy you fall for, who generally pursues who, which one of you initiates the breakup, and is there a familiar dynamic that doesn’t feel good to you?

Ultimately, you’re the common denominator in all of your relationships. So, if there’s a reason it’s not working out – it’s inside of you. Dating more men will not change this pattern. Yet, talking about the pattern will not change it either; talking about it will only reinforce it.

If you’re struggling to find a soul connection, there’s likely a hidden block keeping you from feeling it. This block must be removed, or you must find a way to move around it.

3.Don’t settle for less than the soul connection you desire

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You deserve to be with someone who gives you the feeling of being home. He deserves someone who is as head over heels about him as he is about you.

Make sure you don’t settle for “the should guy.”

• “I should marry him; he’s so in love with me.”
• “I should marry him; he’d be a great father.”
• “I should marry him; he’s a faithful man.”
• “I should marry him; my friends and family adore him.”
• “I should marry him; he’s the best I’ve found.”

Way too many women are now divorced from “the should guy.”

Settling when it comes to a life partner is a recipe for disaster. Still, according to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, most people do so because they fear being alone. You can’t sacrifice what you genuinely desire and expect to be happy forever.

A soul connection makes you feel grounded in the present moment and not off balance. You want your life-long love to balance you, not just light you up.

4.Don’t iron out conflict

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This may sound counterintuitive because most people are conflict-avoidant, but you’ll never find a soul connection by avoiding conflict.

When you’re authentic and speak how you feel, you invite the other person to meet you at a high level of authenticity. How a man responds to conflict gives you valuable information about whether the two of you can navigate the inevitable challenges that will arise.

We’re not suggesting you look for conflict, either. Instead, don’t "go along to get along." Show up as your authentic self with the right person, and you’ll figure it out together.

Studies show that avoiding conflict in relationships is unhealthy and can cause significant issues down the road, so address challenges and a difference of opinion immediately and don’t let them fester. You’ll discover conflict is a doorway to a deeper connection with a man who is a match for you.

5.Decide what values your dream connection must share.

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The strength of a relationship is seen in how the couple faces the challenges that come their way. A lasting soul connection needs two people who share values and are on the same page about what’s essential in life.

Research suggests that shared values are essential for relationship success and that people tend to be drawn to similar partners. These similar values help you find your way back to each other when dealing with stress or disagreements. You’ll be more motivated to work through your differences when you share the same values.

Notice how he spends his resources. His behavior will be a more significant indication of his values than what he says. People spend their time, effort, and money on what they value. Notice how he treats the people in his life and how he treats you — are they similar or different?

You can harness your differences toward the same goals and thrive as a couple when you share similar values. Soulmates are two individuals who continue to choose each other and stay together because they’re better together than apart.

6.Look for connection — not perfection

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Lasting love is about creating a life together to serve your more significant dreams and goals. When you are on the same page about what is important, you can weather any storm that comes your way.

The right man for you is not perfect, but he will be ideal because you will share values and be willing to work together through life's challenges. Research on romantic relationships consistently highlights the importance of positive communication, shared values, and experiences, so choosing the person who values the same things as you will set you both up for a long-term soul connection.

Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches, the founders of Creating Love On Purpose, which takes a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks into love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.

This article was originally published at https://www.loveonpurpose.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.