Navigating long-term relationships and marriages is no easy feat, even if you're committed to healthy practices, open communication, and empathy with your partners. While 74% of Americans admit they're "happy" in their marriages, according to 2023 data from the Census Bureau, many still feel dazed and confused, trying to figure out if there's room for improvement in their relationship or if it's just not the right fit anymore.
Luckily, there are several signs you're married to a truly brilliant person that not only support you through change and conflict, but spark growth in a marriage that's grown stagnant or unfulfilling. By recognizing their best traits and commitment to you, you open the door to personal development and can grow together in your relationship.
Here are 11 signs you're married to a truly brilliant person
1. You feel 'at home' with them
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Healthy people accept their partner's true identity — from their biggest flaws, to their eccentric hobbies, and all of their vulnerabilities, giving them the space to feel most comfortable. Wherever they are, they feel a sense of gratitude and comfort best described as "home" in the company of their partner.
While that comfort might transform into stagnancy in a long-term relationship, this warm feeling can be one of the signs you're married to a truly brilliant person who isn't afraid to help build and grow from what some might consider to be "boring."
Of course, there's also research that suggests many people are attracted to unhealthy partners who mirror relationships from their childhoods where their needs were left unmet. While these "red flags" might feel like "home," like clinical psychologist Roxy Zarrabi suggests, their partner simply manifests as a coping mechanism for their unresolved childhood trauma. Still, be cognizant of how your partner shows up for you and what about their behaviors feels reassuring and safe.
2. You're comfortable with conflict and arguments
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Conflict in a healthy marriage is inevitable, but often it's more productive for sparking open communication and vulnerability than people realize. You're able to share what's bothering you without anxiety that you'll lose your partner or ruin the relationship.
Research from the journal Child Development argues that many people who struggle with abandonment issues allow that anxiety to seep into their relationships, urging them to avoid conflict and "people-please" with their partners to keep the peace, even at their own expense. In a healthy relationship, conflict shouldn't feel like a deal-breaker, where you should be encouraged and celebrated in expressing your emotions and opinions.
3. You spend time apart from them
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While data from Pew Research Center does report that people with shared interests in their relationships tend to be happier overall, there's important benefits in partners spending time apart in their marriages as well, especially with separate passion projects and hobbies. Partners who have their own unique interests are able to fulfill their own identities, feeding into the self-esteem that encourages a healthier balance in long-term partnerships.
Of course, a truly brilliant partner accepts this alone time as an opportunity for growth, and remains equally committed to carving out their own space for personal ventures while celebrating their partner's ability to do the same.
4. There's a balance of playfulness and intentional seriousness
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Relationship expert and author Kevin A. Thompson argues that playfulness is necessary for cultivating intimacy in a healthy marriage, especially alongside more serious conversations and vulnerability. If you're comfortable with a balance of fun and intentional seriousness in your marriage, that's one of the signs you're married to a truly brilliant person who carves out spaces for both.
If you feel rigidly confined to your partner's expectations or people-pleasing tendencies that erupt in the face of conflict, you're likely struggling with finding that balance. By seeking out support and leveraging open communication with your partner, you can figure out how to cultivate a new balance that works for both of you.
5. When you get bad news, you go to them first
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According to cognitive neuroscientist Christian Jarrett, receiving bad news isn't solely an emotional or mental experience; it can also impact our physical well-being and make us feel generally unwell.
Whether it's emotional distress or nausea you're battling with, who's the first person you look to for support? Many married people look to their partners, knowing that the relationship will be a soft place to land while they cope with uncomfortable emotions and shock.
If you've found genuine comfort and security with a partner, that's likely one of the signs you're married to a truly brilliant person who creates space for you to be vulnerable.
6. You feel comfortable with change
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According to experts at Best Day Psychiatry, change can be anxiety-inducing for a lot of people, and sometimes a healthy routine, diet, and de-stressing activities aren't enough to cope with transitional life stages and grief. A healthy partner or a fulfilling support system can be the extra touch needed to cope with these changes, making people in marriages feel more comfortable navigating through, and even seeking out, change in their lives.
Whether it's internal emotional turmoil or a new job, finding the person who supports you through change — even when they're anxious or struggling themselves — is the perfect balance needed to sustain a long-term relationship or marriage.
7. You're inclined to brag about them to others
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According to psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner, MD, bragging can take a million forms in conversation, some of which are not inherently healthy or productive to maintaining relationships.
However, people who feel inclined to brag about their partner's support or brilliance do actually have the power to healthily impact their marriages, increasing intimacy and sparking shared experiences across connections in their lives. When you share the great parts of your life and good news with others, it can strengthen bonds — whether they're romantic or platonic — and be mutually beneficial to everyone's emotional and physical health.
8. You feel respected by them
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Respect is a basic tenant in every healthy relationship, but a partner who commits to respecting their partner in a marriage, regardless of the situation, can be one of the huge signs you're married to a truly brilliant person. It's harder than it seems to both communicate and act on principals of respect, especially during tumultuous times.
Healthy boundaries can ensure you feel equally supported and respected in your relationships — whether you're working on physical intimacy or navigating through a conflict in your marriage. According to psychotherapist Natacha Duke from the Cleveland Clinic, they're not just important for making balanced space for each partner, but also for helping promote self-awareness.
When you feel respected, you feel comfortable voicing concerns, expressing emotions, and sharing love with a partner who's willing to receive it.
9. They're willing to compromise
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Even when there's a disagreement or conflict in your marriage, a great partner will ensure they actively listen and support your emotions. They don't immediately resort to anger or frustration when you're not aligned, but rather, take the time and space they need to be present while you voice concerns.
While it might be hard in many situations, partners who can "agree to disagree" find it easier to communicate through the most mundane to the most transitional conversations with an underlying theme of respect, trust, honesty, and love.
10. You feel comfortable sitting in silence with them
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Healthy marriages aren't always exciting or lustful, but a comfortable balance of alone time and peaceful comfortable silence in each other's presence — a polar opposite experience to people who toxically utilize the "silent treatment" to demean their partners and spark anxious feelings in them associated with quiet time, like a study from the journal Communication Monographs explains.
You can watch a show together in silence, read in the living room together, or even sit quietly with nothing but each other's company to keep you entertained. Healthy marriages, founded with a brilliant partner, allow for this quiet time to be productive and healing, rather than anxiety-inducing or boring.
11. You try new things together
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A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships argues that couples who try new things together are happier than those who don't. If your partner prioritizes planning activity-based activities or pulling you into new shared hobbies, that's a sign you're married to a truly brilliant person.
Especially if you're stuck in a stagnant cycle in your relationship, introducing simple new things like this into your routine can be incredibly beneficial, reminding you of the brilliance in the person you chose to marry.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
