If you want to find love that lasts, stop looking for clues or subtle soulmate signs and instead focus on dating many different kinds of men. Don’t rush into exclusivity. Before committing any kind, be sure the man is emotionally available and takes actions that let you know he wants to claim you for a relationship.

Here are 4 subtle traits of an upstanding man:

1. His actions match his words.

Instead of looking for subtle clues that he could be your partner for life, pay attention to the obvious ones. A man who professes his love for you over the phone and via email yet doesn’t try to see you in real life is sending you a clear message. 

If his words and actions don’t match, he’s not serious and isn’t your soulmate — or a worthy life partner. It doesn’t matter how strong of a connection you feel toward him. You have to be able to trust him, which is the foundation of a relationship, according to 2023 research.

If you have to ask about his intentions, they are unclear to him. It isn’t a mystery you must unravel to understand his intentions.

A true life partner will be harmonious in his words and his actions. He will make his intentions clear every step of the way. If you ask, “What are his intentions?” because his actions don’t match his words, it is clear that he is not your soulmate.

2. He wants a real, committed relationship with you.

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If you’re looking for a sign that he is your soulmate, then ask yourself if he is pursuing you to be in a relationship with you. He will ask you out. He will move the relationship forward. He will make plans with you. He will include you in his day-to-day life.

He will want to take you off the market and claim you as his own. He won’t be wishy-washy. 

If his intentions are a mystery, he isn’t available for a relationship. He could be lonely and want emotional intimacy, but if he isn’t pursuing you, he is looking for companionship, not a more serious relationship. Psychology indicates that some men are emotionally unavailable because of their attachment style.

3. He follows through.

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Your biggest concern is that this man didn’t want to see you in person. He regrets not taking action, but is he doing anything to make it up to you?

Your soulmate will follow through on what he says he will do. He will communicate clearly and have solid reasons if he cannot follow through on his plans. He will do what it takes to make it up to you and go above and beyond. Research from 2022 tells us positive communication in a relationship enhances relationship quality.

Is this the kind of man you’re looking for? If you want some company, it is easy to settle for men who don’t follow through. A soulmate relationship is not a casual relationship that happens whenever. It’s a commitment to a deeper connection with another person.

4. You meet in person.

Don’t fall for an online profile or a voicemail. Until you actually meet in person, there’s so much you don’t know about a man.

• You don’t know if you have a spark of attraction with him.
• You don’t know if he is available for a relationship.
• You don’t know if he is who he says he is.

You know ZERO about him until you meet live and in-person with a man. Be careful making emotional commitments to men you haven’t met in person. Don’t create hope before you know who someone is.

Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches, the founders of Creating Love On Purpose, which takes a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks into love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.