Confidence builds emotional security, and emotional security facilitates empathy. A caring married man is a man who is cared about and cared for by his wife. Sounds simple, but men's mental well-being is often a challenge wrapped in a shroud of mystery.

There are some simple ways to solve the mystery of building men's confidence, and they all start with his wife's positive presence showing up for him when needed.

Here are six subtle things husbands secretly wish their wives would do to increase their confidence:

1. Acknowledge their insecurities

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Ultimately, self-esteem is an inside job. Research from Oregon State University supports how many men fight insecurity at some level. Women can do some small basic things to help.  

All men (not just your romantic partner):

• Look them straight in the eyes when they are talking and listen.
• Ask them questions that get under the facts to inquire how they are feeling.
• Allow them to feel however they want with compassion, not criticism.
• When they say something you think is smart, let them know.
• Laugh at their jokes.
• Let them know you don’t blame them personally for global misogyny.

For your romantic partner:

• Tell him what personality trait you find most attractive about him (especially if you have been together for a while).
• Tell him about those unexpected moments when you think he looks hot (after a workout, in the shower, dressed for work).
• Laugh with him about the things about him that drive you crazy.
• Ask him out on a date you know he will like.
• Tell him how proud you are of him and to be his partner/wife.
• Take seriously events in his life that are important to him even if they don’t interest you.
• Cuddle with him at night.

— Tom Matlack, writer, speaker, and men's health advocate

2. Appreciate his efforts to meet your needs

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When you see your husband honestly trying to show you he's listened and proven he loves you, you must be receptive. It’s easy to be critical, especially when you're still feeling the sting of having been neglected for so long and don't think he’s done much yet.

If you tell him what you need and give clear examples of how he can show you his affection, and he responds by starting to do those things, it’s important to encourage him.

Don’t focus on the negative or complain it’s too little, too late. Making him feel bad about his efforts is the quickest way to kill his desire to ever try again.

A study in the Journal of Current Psychology supports that when your husband sees your honest appreciation for the steps he’s taking to give you what you need, he’ll naturally want to try harder and do even more. Your husband loves you. Be kind to him as he learns how to better show you that love. Speak to him gently. Reward his efforts with gratitude and kindness. You’ll both be better off for it in the long run.

— Terry Real, Marriage and Family Therapist

3. Express gratitude for the little things

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A common mistake wives make is neglecting to express gratitude to their spouses. Husbands often show love through providing, protecting, and acts of service, yet are met with complaints about a lack of emotional intimacy.

It’s important to recognize their efforts while gently guiding them toward what you desire. In therapy, many men express frustration, feeling their efforts go unnoticed and the expectations keep shifting. Showing gratitude boosts their confidence, as shown by a study in the Psychological Science Journal.

— Mary Kay Cocharo, Marriage Therapist 

4. Don't punish him for past mistakes of others

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Is your fear-based reaction to your husband's critical voice reminiscent of your father criticizing your behavior at eight years old? Is the anger you feel when your husband walks away from you in mid-sentence a jarring reminder of your mother walking away from you at age six while you are in tears out of sheer frustration?

Then they send it back to where it belongs — out of your marriage. Once you can connect the dots, take a moment alone to visualize yourself boxing that feeling and sending it away back into your past where it belongs.

Close the door to that memory, throw away the key, and walk away. Letting go of the past is healthy for you and can lead to better emotional well-being, as research in the Behavioral Sciences Journal confirms.

— Carin Goldstein, Marriage and Family Therapist

5. Give positive feedback

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Men often feel they aren't recognized for their contributions, whether at home or work. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests to boost your husband's self-image with positive feedback

You can compliment his choices of clothes, music, or cars; you can admire a chore or job he tackled. You can praise his parenting skills or his compassion. Keep it real. Don't lie or exaggerate. Instead, focus on his qualities and boost his self-confidence by giving him affirmations that make him feel appreciated and loved.

— Gloria Brame, Ph.D., Therapist

6. Compliment him

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A man is probably never going to ask you to compliment him more for fear of sounding like he needs his ego stroked. It’s much more likely that he’s complimenting you all the time, whether it’s because you look pretty, say something funny, or kick a goal at work.

But he needs reassurance, too, and there’s nothing wrong with a little ego-stroking. Compliments help boost his confidence, and when they’re coming from you, it’ll help him feel loved. As a bonus, the more you tell him what you think is great about him, the more you’ll see those attributes.

A few years ago, The Atlantic looked at why men are so bad at being told nice things. One study from 1990 found that men typically think of compliments as a threat meant to embarrass or patronize them, Casey Quinlan wrote.

What’s more, because men are used to being the ones doing the complimenting  —  acting, Quinlan writes, as “arbiters of someone’s attractiveness” — they might view a woman’s compliment as an unappealing, overly masculine act. Add to this the fact that because men tend to be valued for what they do and not how they look, drawing attention to their physical appearance can also feel emasculating, as suggested by research from the American Psychological Association.

— Mark Rosenfeld, Author

7. Make it physical

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Have more physical intimacy, as supported by a study from the American Psychological Association.

— Jennifer Hargrave, The Compassionate Divorce Attorney & Owner of Hargrave Family Law

Regular authentic confidence boosts help create a deeper emotional connection between a husband and wife. When we take care of each other's self-esteem, we are better able to show up for our spouse in compassionate ways during the challenges of life and marriage.

Will Curtis is a writer and editor for YourTango. He's been featured on the Good Men Project and taught English abroad for ten years.