Flirting is an art. It comes naturally for some, while, for others, it's an unknown language. Yet, if you are dating, you need to know the language of effective flirting — the type of flirt to attract true love and serious partnership. 

Flirting initiates contact, shows interest, and helps someone feel it's OK to open up with you. It gives them permission to approach and get a conversation going. Flirting is playful, which most people seek in a mate. So, how can you do it right? 

Eight ways to flirt in a way that invites serious partners, not just attention

1. Be relaxed and comfortable in your environment

Make sure you're not uptight or anxious, or you’ll come off awkward. In each interaction, there is intention, a goal leading to something potentially more permanent, as suggested by a study in the British Journal of Psychology.

2. Don’t care about the outcome or how you'll be perceived

You need a casual attitude about this. It’s like going fishing — you’re just putting the bait out there and seeing if your person of interest is willing to take it.

If you are looking for true love, you can’t depend only on flirting your way to it.

3. Smile and use your body

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Some people may want to consider "flirting" as a way to begin an interaction or to show an interest in someone. Research published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior explains how you can show interest by smiling and having an open stance in your body language, as opposed to crossing your arms or closing your stance.

4. Make eye contact

Look the person directly in the eyes when talking to them. Eye contact immediately communicates interest and attention.

5. Be curious

Talk to the person as if you know them already and ask curious questions that communicate you’re interested in learning more. People looking for love want to know about you and who you truly are, and you should want the same.

6. Compliment them

If you are bold, make a sincere but appropriate compliment about them. Sincerity rarely comes off as corny!

7. Lean in

A study in the Nonverbal Communication Journal supports leaning into the person and even touching them on the side of their arm briefly.

8. Keep the banter light and fun!

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That’s it. Maybe the person asks you for your number or to spend more time with you, but if there’s no follow-up — don’t despair. Just chalk it up to having a fun encounter and move on. 

If you are motivated to marry and decide to add flirting into your dating routine, I have a few Dos and Don’ts for you:

• DON’T flirt with total strangers in the wild. Whether you’re at bars, grocery stores, gas stations, cafe, etc., remember these may not be "your people." They may not be available, and you could be asking for trouble.
• DO try flirting with people who you know have common interests and life goals. People who are also looking for lasting love at single events, mixers, social gatherings, single travel groups, etc., where you have a better idea of someone’s intentions. Flirt with the guy your friend invited to the dinner party for you or the girl at the Single’s barbeque.
• DON’T flirt just for attention, and be aware some people flirt just for sport, with no interest in taking the relationship any further.
• DO use flirting as a strategy to show sincere interest in someone who you’d like to get to know better.
• DON’T lead off with suggestive conversation or compliments. It’s just creepy and implies you don’t care about someone as a person.
• DO be kind and curious. But if you aren’t vibing or you get a weird feeling, it’s ok to say: "Well, it was nice meeting you. Have a good evening." and move on.

Remember, the biggest difference between flirting and a love connection is this: the person seeking a serious relationship will want to get to know you better.

They will follow up, ask you out on a true date, take a genuine interest in you, and be willing to open up about their life, values, and goals. Love requires a stronger foundation than just flirting, and actions speak louder than silly banter. That’s the difference between flirting and love. 

Flirting is a strategy that gets the attention of someone you’re interested in. A love connection is seeking a future partner with whom you can build a life. 

So, at your next meetup or social event, give flirting a try. It may take some practice, but have fun, and don’t expect anything to come from it. And if it does, consider it a bonus!

Amy Schoen is a D.C.-based national expert in dating and relationship coaching who's helped countless couples find love.