After 15 years as a dating coach, I’ve learned one vital thing about women that I didn’t fully understand before: You don’t want to waste time and get hurt by men. If you’re seeing a guy and he’s not doing these eight things, you should probably start looking for another guy who does. You deserve to be adored by a man who's crazy about you.
If a man does these eight little things, he's crazy about you:
1. He makes future plans quickly after seeing you
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What’s the best predictor of whether a guy is into you? It’s not about the chemistry you had on the date. It’s not about the incredible intimacy afterward.
The surest way to know whether a man is serious about you is how quickly he follows up after the date to make plans again.
Men who are excited about you act excited. Men who are ambivalent about you act ambivalent. You deserve a boyfriend who is excited about you.
Don’t settle for the once-a-week guy beyond, say, the first six weeks of dating. If he isn’t your boyfriend by then, he’s not going to be. One 2021 YouGov study found that people make it official around 1-3 months into dating.
2. He texts/emails/calls every single day
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Beware of any man who doesn’t reach out to you every single day. Either he doesn’t want to connect with you that often or he hasn’t been told that it’s important to you. It should be.
When I was first dating my wife, she said, “I know you’re busy at work and get caught up in your stuff, but it would make me happy if you’d just call me before you went to bed, just to say good night.”
“Sometimes I have nothing to say,” I grumbled. She said, “That’s okay. Even if it’s just 30 seconds, it’s better than nothing and it makes me feel connected.”
I thought about it and realized that this was a reasonable request that cost me nothing to honor. So I did. That was 10 years ago. We still talk every night before we go to sleep.
3. He makes plans with you in advance every weekend
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Your boyfriend doesn’t text you at 10 pm on Saturday, “What r u doing now?” Your boyfriend doesn’t wait until the weekend is over to wonder what you did. The man you want may be busy, but he always prioritizes you and makes you feel special.
That means he looks at his calendar, figures out his schedule, and commits in advance to spending at least one weekend night and one weekend day with you. Regular date nights are vital for healthy relationships, according to research from The Institute for Family Studies.
Sure, there are exceptions when you live long-distance or share custody of your kids with an ex, but, in general, if you don’t have plans to see your boyfriend every weekend, what exactly makes him your boyfriend?
4. He wants to be sure you’re not seeing anyone else
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Not in a jealous way. Not in a creepy stalker way. But when you’re dating a man who thinks you have long-term potential, it’s in his best interest to try and claim you for himself.
You’ve seen this in men who declare their intentions prematurely — like, right on the first date — which generally makes them seem somewhere between clueless and desperate. 2023 studies tell us that people know whether they're interested in someone very early on in a relationship.
However, if you’re trying to gauge a man’s interest, you have a far greater chance of forging a relationship with a man who wants you all to himself than with a guy who has been texting you for a few months and not indicated that he wants a commitment.
5. He calls himself your boyfriend
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It doesn’t matter what age you are. It doesn’t matter if you think the term sounds like it belongs in high school. The fact is that the title of “boyfriend” matters.
I once had a client who was seeing a guy three times a week for six months. He was very much acting like a boyfriend. It takes people about 172 days to realize they want to be with their partner, research from Princeton University states.
Still, he refused to call himself her boyfriend. When I pressed my client to ask him about it, she said she didn’t want to put pressure on him.
I told her that a good, marriage-oriented man wants the title of boyfriend and all that comes with it — the trust, the commitment, and the responsibility to take care of you.
Sure enough, when my client told her guy that she didn’t want any more time from him, but just wanted the safety and security of being a “girlfriend,” he broke up with her.
This was a sign that she was wasting her time with the wrong man — one who didn’t seize the opportunity to claim her when he had the chance.
6. He sleeps with you regularly
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Believe it or not, men are not all about intimacy. Men have relationships with women to meet their emotional needs, too.
And far too often, I have seen women who were playing the part of a girlfriend without any of the intimate gratification.
Maybe he’s your best friend. Maybe he’s just out of a divorce. Maybe he’s seeing someone else and telling you about it.
All I know is that a relationship without intimacy is just a friendship, and intimacy is very important to relationship satisfaction, according to 2023 research.
Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with having guy friends, but if you feel like the friend who gives him everything he needs except intimacy, it probably means that you’re missing some attraction to take things to the next level. Find yourself a new guy — one who wants to sleep with you.
7. He talks about a future with you
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Dating exclusively doesn’t guarantee a future. Neither does “being in love.” The most foolproof way to know if a guy is thinking about a future, therefore, is pretty obvious: He talks about a future with you!
You don’t have to prod him, interrogate him, or say things like, “So where do you see yourself five years from now?”
If you’re dating a man who wants to be married, he’ll talk about marriage. If you’re dating a man who wants kids, he’ll talk about kids. Naturally. Organically. Free of coercion.
You can’t make a guy want to get married, but if a guy is marriage-oriented and he’s currently dating you, it would be highly unusual if he never mentioned it.
8. He says “I love you”
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Those three magic words are powerful, aren’t they? We’ve all declared our love for someone who was truly unfit for marriage. Instant attraction and connection will do that for you.
And while saying “I love you,” isn’t a promise of a future, not saying “I love you” is a troubling sign. Of course, some guys aren’t expressive. Some guys are afraid of sharing their feelings. Some guys take longer to say those words “just to be sure.”
So don’t be afraid to speak your mind and say “I love you” when you feel it. But if it’s been a year and he’s never declared his love for you, you have to wonder: “Shouldn’t I have a boyfriend who says he loves me?”
Yes. Yes, you should. One study from Abertay University's Division of Psychology and Forensic Sciences found that it's men who say those words first.
Now, don’t break up with some great guy just because he doesn’t do one thing on this list — men are imperfect and sometimes need to be taught how to treat you — but I do encourage you to ensure your needs of safety, security, and long-term commitment are being met.
You can have an incredible relationship with a commitment-minded man who loves you, but not if you ignore the signs listed above.
Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women who want to find lasting love.
